I don't always get into my religious beliefs on this blog (absolutely do on my other blog!)... But this is one time I MUST say that God's hand was directing me to http://www.bradenwinks.wordpress.com tonight. She gets it! She understands what I have been crying over and camping out on my soapbox about for the past week. I don't know where my kids will be born, I don't know if they're already alive, barely conceived, or not yet conceived, but I do know I've never loved children as much as I love *my* babies. And I love, and am loved by, a whole lotta kids! They flock to me, and I to them, but I digress...
She gets what, NotTheMama? Get to your point already! This adoptive Mommy gets that your baby is your baby is your baby, and a loving parent will do whatever it takes for her child. Oh, it does my heart good to know that she is taking such good care of this beautiful little boy. It gives me strength that I will NOT be eating my words one day, and doing the same things I cry out against right now. It's absolutely difficult, and she embraces that fact, but you do it for your baby. Another ongoing story is http://whenrainhurts.wordpress.com - I find myself checking her blog every day or 2, waiting on the next part of her story. Call me Pollyanna, but I just love a good story where it just clicks and I find themes of unconditional love and acceptance.
If AF doesn't show tomorrow, and if I have time to slip off to the store, I'm gonna try to work out a way* to buy an hpt. Just because. While I know in my head that I'm setting myself up for disappointment and will likely down that entire pint of Ben & Jerry's I bought yesterday, then crumble into a pile of tears and snot, I just need to know. Rolling my eyes over the fact that I just had a stinkin' exam AND u/s Monday and they should've seen **something** if there's anything there.... My older sister says it's funny that AF hasn't showed, and I know exactly what she's insinuating there, and she says it's possible I "could be" and they just didn't see it... Highly doubtful, and as happy as I would be, there's also the apprehension of becoming "that woman" who swore there was no way possible. A matter of weeks away from becoming elligible to adopt. And did I mention I've been pumping my body full of a cocktail of OTC meds to get rid of this drainage and congestion and cough? AF is stupid. I'm thinking about talkin' 'bout her Mama, but I'm sooooo afraid of how she would retaliate!
*Strange way to word it? Only store I could possibly get to tomorrow would be Wzally Wzorld. The local one, that everybody and their brother goes to. Where I would certainly see someone at any time on a Saturday. And I just don't want THAT rumor floating around. Why do I feel like a teenager trying to buy cond*oms from my best friend's dad's drugstore?