Tuesday, October 27, 2009

So when I said I'd be back "soon," I didn't really think I would mean "about 24 hours later!"
So we were celebrating my older sister's 32nd birthday tonight with dinner (a couple of our aunts came over, plus our parents, younger sister/hubby/their 3-year-old, and of course older sister's hubby, and their 6-and-3-year-olds and 10-month-old)... Younger sis works at a bank, and is always talking to people when they come in. She would to (and argue with) a brick wall. :) A lady came in today who was telling her about a young teenage girl, who decided against having an abortion, and wants the baby to be adopted. My sister mentioned D#H#R, and my immediate answer was NO!!! Now don't get me wrong... Foster parents are needed very much. They are very important. That's just not where we are in our lives at this moment. I know that nothing is really "for sure," nothing is a definite until all the T's are crossed and I's dotted.... But after the struggle of IF, I need the security of knowing I won't be battling with an agency whose ultimate goal is to keep a child within the original family unit whenever possible. Yes, I know there are times when it works out, and everyone lives happily ever after... Howerver, I also know --personally-- of many MORE people for whom it did NOT work out quite so storybookish. (I reserve the right to make up words whenever I feel like it haha)
My sister ***says*** that this lady ***says*** that it would be straight up adoption, without all the D#H#R drama. She's supposed to be finding out more.
SO........ I'm trying not to get my hopes up, wanting to protect my heart, and NOT be the fish that bites the shiny thing on the string before realizing it's going to kill me. But after feeding, bathing, and cuddling a 10-month-old, and coming home smelling like bedtime lotion (lavendar scented!), it's hard to not at least want to paint that spare bedroom a more gender-neutral color. On the other hand, I'm also not running out and telling anyone, and I mean ANYONE, IRL about the possibility.
The question is in the back of my mind, though... Could we possibly get a baby in the next few months? Is this what tentative-scared-I-will-crap-my-pants-HOPE feels like?

Monday, October 26, 2009

More painting... Exploring our Options

So the painting continues.... I think my dad should be done by the end of this week. Then, we have to rent a sander for the weekend (we think?) and then re-finish the floors. Hubby thinks we will be ready to move in the 2nd week in November. I think the 3rd or even 4th will be more likely! This next weekend is shot... We'll be busy with church stuff and fun aunt stuff Saturday, and hubby has to work that morning.

Right now I'm feeling somewhat in the Christmas spirit and thinking we'll go ahead and put up a tree as soon as we move in, while all the stuff is downstairs. I'm in a much better place than this time last year -- I'm usually able to make it through the Mary-Joseph-Baby Jesus songs during choir practice without many tears. How I'll do in a crowd may be a different story.

Exploring our options.... (Hhmmmm now I'm wondering if I blogged about this last time? If so, sorry I'm repeating myself!) We're just over 6 months away from being able to apply for adoption. I feel like we should be making some decisions about an agency and narrow down our potential country list... I feel like we need to be discussing adoption options and time frames and such. Hubby did mention DI, and I've tried to look into that some. It's overwhelming to think of the costs of all the options we're looking into. Nothing is cheap, nothing is guaranteed, nothing is easy or fast. Part of me wants to start NOW on making decisions, but then again... Maybe I should just hit it hard in January. We're going to be busy with moving, and holidays, and birthdays, and church stuff, and on and on and on until January.

Not a whole lot to blog about here lately.... Once again, I feel as if I'm repeating myself. I've been in a pretty good place emotionally (partly sunny with an occassional chance of showers). Or maybe I've just gotten so good at NOT crying, because I know that once I start, I'm not gonna stop. There's a lot of death and sickness in our church lately, so maybe I'm just not having to cover up my tears as much as usual? We've had 2 funerals in 3 weeks, 3 ladies with cancer (at least 2 of those are terminal, with one having a couple months at best, and the other about a year). Those are doctors' words, so we'll see. Anyhoo, I'm not always around much, but I do try to check into the blogs I read, and I do read the comments left on here, and I appreciate the support.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Still trying to move....

So we closed on a new house a couple of weeks ago. We're in paint mode right now -- started out "I really like my red kitchen, and want one at the new house!" and quickly turned into "Let's paint it all -- EVERYTHING!!! And strip and poly-something-or-other-I-can't-spell-the-floors too!" So we're working.... And we're packing.... And trying to keep up with what is packed where.... And seasons are changing, and I really don't know where I put my capri pants for those warm days.
But it's all good! :) We will get moved in another month or so, with more space and less clutter (presumably, anyway), and our house will sell QUICKLY!!!! Plans, plans, plans.
It feels good. Our new house is about 10 years old, and doesn't really need any work to be adoption-ready. And we're about 7 months away from being eligible to apply. Wow, was it really 2 years ago that I was crying wondering how I would make it this long? And now I can almost count on one hand the MONTHS we're waiting on.
Still taking bcp's, trying to wait it out until we've moved and settled. Still dealing with some nagging pain in the ovarian region, but nothing a little nap/roxen won't help. Um... Which I'm also taking as needed for what I suspect is either carpal tunnel or Rheu//matoid ar//thritis. Okay, so I don't really have a clue, and self-diagnosis isn't really wise ALL the time. My grandmother had R#A, and ny mom has that as well as lu$pus. It takes me a while to "get going" in the mornings, because my feet hurt, but after I've limped around for a few minutes, they hurt less, and I can walk normally unless I sit for a long time. Having some trouble with my hands in the past week or two, knuckle pain and such. Haven't really mentioned it a lot, because I know what everyone will say --- "Go to the doctor!" --- but really, who has the time?
Work is good, really busy. Have some days where I leave and go "Well, that was a dell of a hay," but I can deal with those kinds of days at this job! :)
All in all, it's all good. Not really blogging or reading a lot, due to all the packing and painting and moving and such. Oh -- a nephew has the dreaded 3-letter f-word, and we've all been exposed! :) That's life! ;)