Two and a half hours.
One piece of paper.
Looked through every box/tote/bag I thought it might be.
Packed some stuff, threw away more stuff.
Tore my house apart.
Found clothes I forgot I had. Found socks whose mates were thrown away long ago.
Found said paper on top of our headboard over our bed. Right on top. In plain sight.
I will be soooo glad when we finally get moved and have ROOM to store all this stuff that is lurking in corners with no home!!
Monday, November 2, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
So when I said I'd be back "soon," I didn't really think I would mean "about 24 hours later!"
So we were celebrating my older sister's 32nd birthday tonight with dinner (a couple of our aunts came over, plus our parents, younger sister/hubby/their 3-year-old, and of course older sister's hubby, and their 6-and-3-year-olds and 10-month-old)... Younger sis works at a bank, and is always talking to people when they come in. She would to (and argue with) a brick wall. :) A lady came in today who was telling her about a young teenage girl, who decided against having an abortion, and wants the baby to be adopted. My sister mentioned D#H#R, and my immediate answer was NO!!! Now don't get me wrong... Foster parents are needed very much. They are very important. That's just not where we are in our lives at this moment. I know that nothing is really "for sure," nothing is a definite until all the T's are crossed and I's dotted.... But after the struggle of IF, I need the security of knowing I won't be battling with an agency whose ultimate goal is to keep a child within the original family unit whenever possible. Yes, I know there are times when it works out, and everyone lives happily ever after... Howerver, I also know --personally-- of many MORE people for whom it did NOT work out quite so storybookish. (I reserve the right to make up words whenever I feel like it haha)
My sister ***says*** that this lady ***says*** that it would be straight up adoption, without all the D#H#R drama. She's supposed to be finding out more.
SO........ I'm trying not to get my hopes up, wanting to protect my heart, and NOT be the fish that bites the shiny thing on the string before realizing it's going to kill me. But after feeding, bathing, and cuddling a 10-month-old, and coming home smelling like bedtime lotion (lavendar scented!), it's hard to not at least want to paint that spare bedroom a more gender-neutral color. On the other hand, I'm also not running out and telling anyone, and I mean ANYONE, IRL about the possibility.
The question is in the back of my mind, though... Could we possibly get a baby in the next few months? Is this what tentative-scared-I-will-crap-my-pants-HOPE feels like?
So we were celebrating my older sister's 32nd birthday tonight with dinner (a couple of our aunts came over, plus our parents, younger sister/hubby/their 3-year-old, and of course older sister's hubby, and their 6-and-3-year-olds and 10-month-old)... Younger sis works at a bank, and is always talking to people when they come in. She would to (and argue with) a brick wall. :) A lady came in today who was telling her about a young teenage girl, who decided against having an abortion, and wants the baby to be adopted. My sister mentioned D#H#R, and my immediate answer was NO!!! Now don't get me wrong... Foster parents are needed very much. They are very important. That's just not where we are in our lives at this moment. I know that nothing is really "for sure," nothing is a definite until all the T's are crossed and I's dotted.... But after the struggle of IF, I need the security of knowing I won't be battling with an agency whose ultimate goal is to keep a child within the original family unit whenever possible. Yes, I know there are times when it works out, and everyone lives happily ever after... Howerver, I also know --personally-- of many MORE people for whom it did NOT work out quite so storybookish. (I reserve the right to make up words whenever I feel like it haha)
My sister ***says*** that this lady ***says*** that it would be straight up adoption, without all the D#H#R drama. She's supposed to be finding out more.
SO........ I'm trying not to get my hopes up, wanting to protect my heart, and NOT be the fish that bites the shiny thing on the string before realizing it's going to kill me. But after feeding, bathing, and cuddling a 10-month-old, and coming home smelling like bedtime lotion (lavendar scented!), it's hard to not at least want to paint that spare bedroom a more gender-neutral color. On the other hand, I'm also not running out and telling anyone, and I mean ANYONE, IRL about the possibility.
The question is in the back of my mind, though... Could we possibly get a baby in the next few months? Is this what tentative-scared-I-will-crap-my-pants-HOPE feels like?
Monday, October 26, 2009
More painting... Exploring our Options
So the painting continues.... I think my dad should be done by the end of this week. Then, we have to rent a sander for the weekend (we think?) and then re-finish the floors. Hubby thinks we will be ready to move in the 2nd week in November. I think the 3rd or even 4th will be more likely! This next weekend is shot... We'll be busy with church stuff and fun aunt stuff Saturday, and hubby has to work that morning.
Right now I'm feeling somewhat in the Christmas spirit and thinking we'll go ahead and put up a tree as soon as we move in, while all the stuff is downstairs. I'm in a much better place than this time last year -- I'm usually able to make it through the Mary-Joseph-Baby Jesus songs during choir practice without many tears. How I'll do in a crowd may be a different story.
Exploring our options.... (Hhmmmm now I'm wondering if I blogged about this last time? If so, sorry I'm repeating myself!) We're just over 6 months away from being able to apply for adoption. I feel like we should be making some decisions about an agency and narrow down our potential country list... I feel like we need to be discussing adoption options and time frames and such. Hubby did mention DI, and I've tried to look into that some. It's overwhelming to think of the costs of all the options we're looking into. Nothing is cheap, nothing is guaranteed, nothing is easy or fast. Part of me wants to start NOW on making decisions, but then again... Maybe I should just hit it hard in January. We're going to be busy with moving, and holidays, and birthdays, and church stuff, and on and on and on until January.
Not a whole lot to blog about here lately.... Once again, I feel as if I'm repeating myself. I've been in a pretty good place emotionally (partly sunny with an occassional chance of showers). Or maybe I've just gotten so good at NOT crying, because I know that once I start, I'm not gonna stop. There's a lot of death and sickness in our church lately, so maybe I'm just not having to cover up my tears as much as usual? We've had 2 funerals in 3 weeks, 3 ladies with cancer (at least 2 of those are terminal, with one having a couple months at best, and the other about a year). Those are doctors' words, so we'll see. Anyhoo, I'm not always around much, but I do try to check into the blogs I read, and I do read the comments left on here, and I appreciate the support.
Right now I'm feeling somewhat in the Christmas spirit and thinking we'll go ahead and put up a tree as soon as we move in, while all the stuff is downstairs. I'm in a much better place than this time last year -- I'm usually able to make it through the Mary-Joseph-Baby Jesus songs during choir practice without many tears. How I'll do in a crowd may be a different story.
Exploring our options.... (Hhmmmm now I'm wondering if I blogged about this last time? If so, sorry I'm repeating myself!) We're just over 6 months away from being able to apply for adoption. I feel like we should be making some decisions about an agency and narrow down our potential country list... I feel like we need to be discussing adoption options and time frames and such. Hubby did mention DI, and I've tried to look into that some. It's overwhelming to think of the costs of all the options we're looking into. Nothing is cheap, nothing is guaranteed, nothing is easy or fast. Part of me wants to start NOW on making decisions, but then again... Maybe I should just hit it hard in January. We're going to be busy with moving, and holidays, and birthdays, and church stuff, and on and on and on until January.
Not a whole lot to blog about here lately.... Once again, I feel as if I'm repeating myself. I've been in a pretty good place emotionally (partly sunny with an occassional chance of showers). Or maybe I've just gotten so good at NOT crying, because I know that once I start, I'm not gonna stop. There's a lot of death and sickness in our church lately, so maybe I'm just not having to cover up my tears as much as usual? We've had 2 funerals in 3 weeks, 3 ladies with cancer (at least 2 of those are terminal, with one having a couple months at best, and the other about a year). Those are doctors' words, so we'll see. Anyhoo, I'm not always around much, but I do try to check into the blogs I read, and I do read the comments left on here, and I appreciate the support.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Still trying to move....
So we closed on a new house a couple of weeks ago. We're in paint mode right now -- started out "I really like my red kitchen, and want one at the new house!" and quickly turned into "Let's paint it all -- EVERYTHING!!! And strip and poly-something-or-other-I-can't-spell-the-floors too!" So we're working.... And we're packing.... And trying to keep up with what is packed where.... And seasons are changing, and I really don't know where I put my capri pants for those warm days.
But it's all good! :) We will get moved in another month or so, with more space and less clutter (presumably, anyway), and our house will sell QUICKLY!!!! Plans, plans, plans.
It feels good. Our new house is about 10 years old, and doesn't really need any work to be adoption-ready. And we're about 7 months away from being eligible to apply. Wow, was it really 2 years ago that I was crying wondering how I would make it this long? And now I can almost count on one hand the MONTHS we're waiting on.
Still taking bcp's, trying to wait it out until we've moved and settled. Still dealing with some nagging pain in the ovarian region, but nothing a little nap/roxen won't help. Um... Which I'm also taking as needed for what I suspect is either carpal tunnel or Rheu//matoid ar//thritis. Okay, so I don't really have a clue, and self-diagnosis isn't really wise ALL the time. My grandmother had R#A, and ny mom has that as well as lu$pus. It takes me a while to "get going" in the mornings, because my feet hurt, but after I've limped around for a few minutes, they hurt less, and I can walk normally unless I sit for a long time. Having some trouble with my hands in the past week or two, knuckle pain and such. Haven't really mentioned it a lot, because I know what everyone will say --- "Go to the doctor!" --- but really, who has the time?
Work is good, really busy. Have some days where I leave and go "Well, that was a dell of a hay," but I can deal with those kinds of days at this job! :)
All in all, it's all good. Not really blogging or reading a lot, due to all the packing and painting and moving and such. Oh -- a nephew has the dreaded 3-letter f-word, and we've all been exposed! :) That's life! ;)
But it's all good! :) We will get moved in another month or so, with more space and less clutter (presumably, anyway), and our house will sell QUICKLY!!!! Plans, plans, plans.
It feels good. Our new house is about 10 years old, and doesn't really need any work to be adoption-ready. And we're about 7 months away from being eligible to apply. Wow, was it really 2 years ago that I was crying wondering how I would make it this long? And now I can almost count on one hand the MONTHS we're waiting on.
Still taking bcp's, trying to wait it out until we've moved and settled. Still dealing with some nagging pain in the ovarian region, but nothing a little nap/roxen won't help. Um... Which I'm also taking as needed for what I suspect is either carpal tunnel or Rheu//matoid ar//thritis. Okay, so I don't really have a clue, and self-diagnosis isn't really wise ALL the time. My grandmother had R#A, and ny mom has that as well as lu$pus. It takes me a while to "get going" in the mornings, because my feet hurt, but after I've limped around for a few minutes, they hurt less, and I can walk normally unless I sit for a long time. Having some trouble with my hands in the past week or two, knuckle pain and such. Haven't really mentioned it a lot, because I know what everyone will say --- "Go to the doctor!" --- but really, who has the time?
Work is good, really busy. Have some days where I leave and go "Well, that was a dell of a hay," but I can deal with those kinds of days at this job! :)
All in all, it's all good. Not really blogging or reading a lot, due to all the packing and painting and moving and such. Oh -- a nephew has the dreaded 3-letter f-word, and we've all been exposed! :) That's life! ;)
Saturday, September 12, 2009
The ovaries are behaving.... We're closing on a house and MOVING
Things have been rather healthy around here... Well, except that I kind of made fun of hubby and wouldn't let him go to the doctor a couple of weeks ago b/c he already had sinus meds @ home, and now I've ended up with the same junk. The ovaries are behaving nicely now, and in another month or 2 I'm gonna try coming off the bcp's just to see what happens. I would do it sooner, BUT..... {drumroll!!!!}
WE'RE MOVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It wasn't really all that planned. One weekend we kind of talked about keeping our eyes and ears open for a bigger, newer house on the market in our community within our price range (houses don't come up for sale a lot around here! And land is expensive!) We drove around the country club and some up-scale neighborhoods "in town," places we could never afford, just because it's fun. We do that every now and then, pointing out what we like or don't like about mansions we could never buy.
Then Sunday morning the phone rings whiel I'm getting out of the shower. I figure it's a sister or parent, filling us in on lunch plans. I hear hubby talking and figure out someone is asking if we want to buy their house. The guy had remembered that when we were looking for houses before we got married, he had promised we would be first on his list when they decided to sell. So we looked at the house, we liked it, and now we're just waiting on a closing date.
It's a little sad that we're leaving our little less-than-1000-sq-ft house where we started out... Where hubby made me (frozen, store-bought) lasagna by candlelight on a blanket in the livingroom the Valentine's Day before we were married... Where we acquired (and lost) our first cat and kittens... Where we chased each other with water guns near midnight on a work night... Where we had our first Christmas family gathering less than a year after moving in... Where our niece and nephews have spent the night and played... So many memories go with this little house!!
But we know it's for the best... The house is over 50 years old, and in need of some serious repairs before it would ever pass a homestudy inspection. Don't get me wrong -- it's liveable, and looks pretty good... But there are some things that would have to be done... And there's no more space for other people, no matter how tiny, to live here. There are 2 closets in the whole house. There's no storage space, so the spare bedrooms are storage rooms.
We're moving into a more-than-2000-sq-ft house. With closets in all 3 bedrooms, 2 in the hall, bigger living room, an actual dining room and not just throw-the-table-in-the-kitchen... About 10 years old, doesn't really NEED any work, but we're planning to do some painting inside. A bigger front yard. (You could toss a rock into the road from the porch at our current house! Not good for children, I'm pretty sure we would have had to install a fence all around the yard, due to the road and then the huge ditch that follows the property!)
We're just waiting on closing, then we'll be ready to move in. Theoretically. I should really go pack up some boxes now!! ;)
WE'RE MOVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It wasn't really all that planned. One weekend we kind of talked about keeping our eyes and ears open for a bigger, newer house on the market in our community within our price range (houses don't come up for sale a lot around here! And land is expensive!) We drove around the country club and some up-scale neighborhoods "in town," places we could never afford, just because it's fun. We do that every now and then, pointing out what we like or don't like about mansions we could never buy.
Then Sunday morning the phone rings whiel I'm getting out of the shower. I figure it's a sister or parent, filling us in on lunch plans. I hear hubby talking and figure out someone is asking if we want to buy their house. The guy had remembered that when we were looking for houses before we got married, he had promised we would be first on his list when they decided to sell. So we looked at the house, we liked it, and now we're just waiting on a closing date.
It's a little sad that we're leaving our little less-than-1000-sq-ft house where we started out... Where hubby made me (frozen, store-bought) lasagna by candlelight on a blanket in the livingroom the Valentine's Day before we were married... Where we acquired (and lost) our first cat and kittens... Where we chased each other with water guns near midnight on a work night... Where we had our first Christmas family gathering less than a year after moving in... Where our niece and nephews have spent the night and played... So many memories go with this little house!!
But we know it's for the best... The house is over 50 years old, and in need of some serious repairs before it would ever pass a homestudy inspection. Don't get me wrong -- it's liveable, and looks pretty good... But there are some things that would have to be done... And there's no more space for other people, no matter how tiny, to live here. There are 2 closets in the whole house. There's no storage space, so the spare bedrooms are storage rooms.
We're moving into a more-than-2000-sq-ft house. With closets in all 3 bedrooms, 2 in the hall, bigger living room, an actual dining room and not just throw-the-table-in-the-kitchen... About 10 years old, doesn't really NEED any work, but we're planning to do some painting inside. A bigger front yard. (You could toss a rock into the road from the porch at our current house! Not good for children, I'm pretty sure we would have had to install a fence all around the yard, due to the road and then the huge ditch that follows the property!)
We're just waiting on closing, then we'll be ready to move in. Theoretically. I should really go pack up some boxes now!! ;)
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Pretending I'm not here... And kindergarten is starting
Newsflash!! BCP's don't cure infertility. Who knew? I've been avoiding the internet under the guise of being more organized and focusing more on cleaning house and preparing for adoption.... As if by not participating in the infertile community and starting bcp's, I could cure all of my infertile problems. And B.illy M.ays wasn't on crack.
What can I say? We're not currently ttc. We're not yet preparing for adoption. I suppose I'm trying to go backwards and learn that step I kind of skipped: the young(okay, young-ISH) couple, relatively newlyweds, with no kids and few commitments and not a care in the world. I don't really know how to act, what with this non-timing of going to bed together. It is odd to not think about or make plans around ovulation. We never really did that. I suppose I'm trying to normalize things, but it's really kind of impossible to just leave all of the infertile stuff behind and go back to life before IF.
2 of 6 babies are starting kindergarten on Monday. And a young cousin. Somehow, in less than 4 hours, I am delivering homemade cupcakes (that I have yet to make!) to 3 houses and finding out about first days and new friends and big kid school. Did I mention I've never made homemade anything? So it's really a boxed mix for the cake part, and my sister taught me to make icing with powdered sugar and cr/isco, so that part IS done. I still have to bake, add food coloring to the icing, and decorate. Apparently, the Sunday afternoon nap is not happenin' tomorrow!! But, we'll get home earlier than usual tomorrow night, because our let's-go-out-to-eat-after-church-friends are starting to kindergarten, too. I'm really sad that my babies are growing up so fast!! They're losing teeth and training wheels and going to school all day for 5 whole days a week!!!!!!! Can you imagine the train wreck I'll be when it really and truly is "MY" baby I'm sending to big kid school? Because even though it feels a million miles away, time will fly by once we do have kids of our own.
What can I say? We're not currently ttc. We're not yet preparing for adoption. I suppose I'm trying to go backwards and learn that step I kind of skipped: the young(okay, young-ISH) couple, relatively newlyweds, with no kids and few commitments and not a care in the world. I don't really know how to act, what with this non-timing of going to bed together. It is odd to not think about or make plans around ovulation. We never really did that. I suppose I'm trying to normalize things, but it's really kind of impossible to just leave all of the infertile stuff behind and go back to life before IF.
2 of 6 babies are starting kindergarten on Monday. And a young cousin. Somehow, in less than 4 hours, I am delivering homemade cupcakes (that I have yet to make!) to 3 houses and finding out about first days and new friends and big kid school. Did I mention I've never made homemade anything? So it's really a boxed mix for the cake part, and my sister taught me to make icing with powdered sugar and cr/isco, so that part IS done. I still have to bake, add food coloring to the icing, and decorate. Apparently, the Sunday afternoon nap is not happenin' tomorrow!! But, we'll get home earlier than usual tomorrow night, because our let's-go-out-to-eat-after-church-friends are starting to kindergarten, too. I'm really sad that my babies are growing up so fast!! They're losing teeth and training wheels and going to school all day for 5 whole days a week!!!!!!! Can you imagine the train wreck I'll be when it really and truly is "MY" baby I'm sending to big kid school? Because even though it feels a million miles away, time will fly by once we do have kids of our own.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
I promise I haven't fallen off the face of the earth....
Really, I haven't... So the verdict is (was?) a cyst. After some amount of work-related drama (did I already talk about this?), I decided to NOT wait another month and see "if" it was gonna happen again, so I have been on bcp's for 2 weeks now. I've still had some pain that kind of comes and goes, that dull ache that started all this mess.
Ah, bcp's... The place I never thought I'd go. Let's just say it was a pretty emotional day/decision, and work issues compounded those emotions, but at the end of the day I put on my big girl panties and swallowed my first pill. I've been gradually feeling better, and yesterday I was even productive in some housework I'd been neglecting. Not so much today, but we'll take it as it comes. I've missed all 6 of my babies like crazy, not getting to play like usual and pick them up to love on them, but that's all falling back into place as well. I've even cooked supper the past 2 nights, and plan to do so for the next 2 nights. The only reason I'm not cooking Friday night is b/c we have a R.uby Tues.day coupon that expires. Can't let the BOGO go to waste! ;)
I've also decided it's time to get serious about losing some weight. 20 or 30 lbs would be nice, but right now I'm working on 10. I've got about 5 to go. I just decided that since bcp's sometimes/usually mean weight gain, and I already wanted to lose, it was time to get serious. I'm down to one Dr Pe.pper a day (most days), and trying to cut back even farther... Trying to not buy lunch, but take pb&j and some bread, I've basically cut out snacking, and I'm trying to not eat more than 1 helping at supper. I have some grapes and apples, and actually dill pickles make a pretty good snack. I miss my chocolate, and my powdered donuts with a Coke, but I know it's going to be worth it in the end.
I promise to not be so long in posting next time.... I'm trying to decide where to take this little blog, but I have a post ruminating in my brain about a new movie that came out last week. Maybe in a few days. :)
Ah, bcp's... The place I never thought I'd go. Let's just say it was a pretty emotional day/decision, and work issues compounded those emotions, but at the end of the day I put on my big girl panties and swallowed my first pill. I've been gradually feeling better, and yesterday I was even productive in some housework I'd been neglecting. Not so much today, but we'll take it as it comes. I've missed all 6 of my babies like crazy, not getting to play like usual and pick them up to love on them, but that's all falling back into place as well. I've even cooked supper the past 2 nights, and plan to do so for the next 2 nights. The only reason I'm not cooking Friday night is b/c we have a R.uby Tues.day coupon that expires. Can't let the BOGO go to waste! ;)
I've also decided it's time to get serious about losing some weight. 20 or 30 lbs would be nice, but right now I'm working on 10. I've got about 5 to go. I just decided that since bcp's sometimes/usually mean weight gain, and I already wanted to lose, it was time to get serious. I'm down to one Dr Pe.pper a day (most days), and trying to cut back even farther... Trying to not buy lunch, but take pb&j and some bread, I've basically cut out snacking, and I'm trying to not eat more than 1 helping at supper. I have some grapes and apples, and actually dill pickles make a pretty good snack. I miss my chocolate, and my powdered donuts with a Coke, but I know it's going to be worth it in the end.
I promise to not be so long in posting next time.... I'm trying to decide where to take this little blog, but I have a post ruminating in my brain about a new movie that came out last week. Maybe in a few days. :)
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