Thursday, July 28, 2011

I would be a terrible crack*head... Or a really good one, depending on your point of view!

Hi, I'm NotTheMama. (Everybody say hi) I am a recovering Dr Pep*per and Mtn D*ew drinker. I am currently struggling to consume only ONE bubbly soda per day - down from anywhere between 4-6 or 7. Cans. I really really REALLY struggled to not grab a can outta the fridge while doing some late-night cleaning. I had one and a half today.
I'm struggling with afternoon drowsiness, crabbiness, and I'm pretty sure it's a sign of a big problem when your blood sugar is obviously in shock over the sudden decrease in that sugary goodness. Tomorrow starts the weekend. We are having friends over tomorrow night for lasagna and cards. Family reunion Saturday. Should I even attempt to stay on the wagon? I'm guessing I'll end up diving off, forget falling!
Tonight was also the first time hubby or I have eaten out all week. Even for lunch. Unheard of! I spent less than 5 bucks at Su*bway, with my parents.
Just stepped on the scale. I weigh a little less tonight than I did in the morning at the beginning of the week. Would love to lose 30-40 lbs. Wow. Can't believe I let myself get in this shape! :(

Monday, July 25, 2011

Cleaning Strike 2011 is over, and more!

Yes, The Great Cleaning Strike of 2011 is officially over. Tonight, my kitchen is spotless, my LR and DR are mostly tidy, the shower stall floor has been scrubbed, and the laundry is more done than not. A coupla loads tomorrow evening, and I'm done with that for the week! Hubby is pitching in - tonight, he dried and put away dishes, cleaned off the table, and put his shoes away. That gets him a gold star lol ;)
I for real have got to lose a LOT of weight. Yeah, I watched myself on video tonight, from a month or two ago. I was totally disgusting. Time to start stepping on the scale everyday, and stop eating so much.
I'm probably meeting up with a fellow blogger tomorrow. The handful people I've told, have made me promise I'll let them know when I get there, when I leave, what I'm wearing, etc. Sheesh. And I hafta call or text them when I get in. (For the record: I've read back over a year. I'd say it would be more than a little difficult to be consistantly making crap up for an extended period of time. And we're meeting in a public place, and please give me a break!) I will humor them and no, I haven't given my address or phone number or hometown even my real last name.
There's some stuff in store for Wednesday night that has the potential to be pretty exciting. Thursday, I will probably be grocery shopping for Friday evening - we usually go eat Mexican with friends on Friday nights, but this weekend, we're bringing the party to our house to play cards. One of our friends requested lasagna, so I'm hoping to get as much prep-work done Thursday. Saturday may be free, but I'm thinking about a trip to GA to a fun little place with 6 fabric rectangles on poles. Sunday morning, I'm filling in for the 4YO-K class, Sunday night is a special night of local kid choirs performing, and I'm kind of hoping next week is a bit slower!
Keeping busy is a good thing for now...

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

We're done!

:) And just like that, we've reached the end!
I would love to tell you more, but there's not an incredible amount to tell. She went over some forms, we signed some different forms, she looked at the rail and checked out the rooms, and gave us some information, and we were done. Now, we wait! :)

Monday, July 18, 2011

T Minus 15-ish Hours Until Final Visit

Dear "Just" Adopt Morons:
I have been cleaning for the past 8-9 hours. After working my usual 8-hour shift at my "real" job. Please bring me a dull, rusty knife so I can use it to "just" dig out your eyeballs. KThanksBye!
But for real - our last visit is tomorrow! I have just sat down to eat my brownie and have my itreallyisnoneofyourbusinesssixthorisitseventh soft drink of the day, so I could take some nap*roxen for my screaming back and foot. I'll stop tomorrow. Wait, maybe Wednesday, since I'll kind of need to stay conscious tomorrow.
Whew. It's been a long year! I probably will not at all relax until after she leaves, but starting around 5:30 tomorrow, my plans are to play, eat, play, relax, eat, and collapse on the couch for the rest of the week. I shall wash dishes, and I might could be persuaded to do a load of laundry if I really was pushed into such nonsense.
Oh yeah, and the closet door broke off the hinges tonight. As in, the door itself is broken. The door to the closet. The closet where we hid all the crap that doesn't really have a home.
Eh, well, all our dr*ugs are locked up, my laundru detergent is safely locked away, and we even still have most of the outlet covers in place. As long as the rail doesn't fall off the porch or anything, we're good. (Note to rail: that was in no way a challenge - please stay where you are)
Next time I talk to you, I will probably be stinky from playing with a niece and nephew in the park, instead of furiously cleaning. Special thanks to my mom, older sister, and sister-in-law for helping us get this place ready!!!!
Now, SLEEP!!!

Saturday, July 16, 2011


Baby Niece just left the house, and right after, hubby walked in with lunch! Now I could really stretch out on the couch and take a nap. But I.will.NOT.
Why? Because I love my children. I may not be able to protect them from whatever they are facing this weekend. I may have to just rest in believing that someone else is taking care of them tonight. But what I *can* do is clean the bathrooms, organize the toy room, clean out the kid room, and get my house ready for the last step, hopefully in the next 7 days. I will spend the rest of the day doing the things I CAN do for my children.
What a difference a week makes!

Thursday, July 14, 2011

I Might Miss His First Birthday (Or, I've really lost it, someone call the psych unit and reserve me a room)

So, instead of cleaning, organizing, cooking, or flippin' washing the dishes, I'm watching tat*too shows on t*l*c. Not sure where the fascination comes from, but I must admit I kind of want a tat now. And L*A I*nk is totally coming on again in a few weeks! YES!!!
So I'm sitting here, half watching these people learn the trade, and half reading random blogs. Because I don't have my final home visit next week or anything!
I ran across a blog post of a baby's first birthday, and it made me cry.
I might miss my baby's first birthday! Now, we did say age 3 and under, so you would think that wouldn't be so surprising. I guess I haven't really thought about it until now. I was totally okay with not changing diapers in the hospital. The possibility that we won't need bottles is fine with me. A walking, talking toddler? Sure, bring it on! I've never really thought about missing the first tooth, or the first steps, or a million other firsts, but none of that really brings me to tears. We/I had been talking about international adoption for so long, I knew there would be lots of typical "firsts" we witnessed with our nieces and nephews, that we would miss with ours.
So, why *this* milestone? The only thing I can come up with is it marks the end of the baby stage and the beginning of the big boy stage. I guess for the first time, I'm realizing that I may never know my child as a baby. And it makes me a little sad.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

The Waiting Room

I feel like I'm perpetually stuck in the waiting room.
After some surprisingly quick work on the county's end, hubby will not be able to leave work early any this week. So, next week? Maybe.
And I'm paralyzed again. So much I needed to do yesterday, but I spent the day on the couch, reading, eating (because that really helps my expanding body), and mentally blocked from cleaning out my room to get rid of all those clothes I haven't been able to put on in years.
It hit me again - this realization that my baby(ies?) is (are?) out there somewhere. It was Saturday - if not in care yet, were they being hit, burned, abused, ignored, fending for themselves because nobody else was around? If in care, were they being loved, held, played with, maybe even spoiled? Hurt there too? Instead of moments of rubbing my belly, knowing my baby is safe and cared for, and being able to control exposure to tobacco, alcohol, and drugs, I am left to hope and pray, and possibly find out years down the road!
I had a dream last night that I was called and given a time and place to be, where I would have the opportunity to "hand-pick" my child. I got there, and there were 8-9 children crammed into a small Sunday School-type room. They were all over the age we have requested (3 and under), the youngest was 6, and I wondered why we were even called... But at the same time, I sat down to play with them, and tried to imagine myself with any or all of them. Then they brought in one baby, probably around 9 months old, only to tell me he had already been adopted.
I'm ready to meet my baby, already! I woke up yesterday slowly, to a quiet house. Immediately I thought it was too quiet! I'm ready to wake up to giggles and squeals and even cries. Soiled sheets and morning pukefests and gallons of milk on the floor and sharpie toddler art on the wall? Bring it. Just don't let my house be too quiet for much longer, please!

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

And we have progress!!!

As in, the worker called our references today! Then called us to say she wants to set up a time to follow us home from work one day to do our last visit! I'm shooting for one day next week.
I've been soooooo good about not getting my hopes up and playing the "by this time next year" game, but I can't help but think... Are things moving so quickly now because they have a child/children in mind? Is this the "normal" pace? I suppose we'll see!

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Observations... Or, Shopping with Baby

Observation #1: Whoa, it's sooooo different to shop with a baby! Fun and enjoyable and made me very happy, but there's a bag and a kid to keep up with. And it required 2 trips back inside the restaurant, to get the pacifier I dropped under the table, and have someone fish my debit card out of the trash. Then I left it in the car at the store!!! Aaaahhhhh!!!!

Observation #2: If we get an infant, who is still in a rear-facing carseat, a taller car is in order.

Observation #3: "Strolling" through the mall with said baby will wear you out, especially if you leave her seat in the car and carry her.

Observation #4: Eau de BabyPuke is a genuine, free fragrance that will not wear off or fade away for many, many hours.

Observation #5: Why is it that I couldn't just say a simple thank you when someone commented on those blue eyes or sweet grin? It was so fun to walk through the mall and daydream about doing that with mine... But almost every.single.time. someone asked a question or made a comment, I just had to throw in that I'm just the aunt! Must admit, though, it was almost always because I was bragging that she gets to go to church with me tomorrow, and I was looking for a cute, festive dress.

Observation #IForgetWhich#: it is next to impossible to find a festive dress, size 0-3 months, the weekend of the holiday. "We" (as in I, as 5-month-olds really only care about food and attention) found ONE 6-9 month size sailor dress in the whole town. No other R,W&B to be found! :(
Observation #Last: After a full day of baby crying due to teething, and 4 little boys busy playing, and about 50 grown-ups having a fish fry at my parents.... It is soooooo nice to come home to a quiet house. I hear only the hum of the air conditioner, and summertime bugs outside.

It was a super fun day, and I'm a very happy, tired girl. A verrrry sleepy girl, who is looking forward to an uninterrupted night of sleep, so I can take care of the little girl and her 5-year-old brother again tomorrow. A girl could get used to this!