Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Thanksgiving Thoughts

Really, so much to be thankful for. The usual- God, family, friends, a job, a house, my car has been repaired and we will pick it up this weekend, our relatively good health, etc.
It's bittersweet. I pray that my children are fast asleep somewhere safe, or perhaps peacefully in bed, falling asleep to the comforting sounds of their foster mother bustling around the kitchen. I pray that next Thanksgiving Eve, I'm busy taking little ones back to bed, that next Thanksgiving morning I am snuggled on the couch with them, watching the parade on tv in our pajamas.
I'm thankful we're as far along as we are- took a fellow blogger's advice and we called the state ourselves to see where we are in the process. We're so close, and will find out exactly "where" we stand sometime next week.
I really am thankful. I left work, ran to the store to get the last 2 items, went to choir practice, and hubby washed dishes for me when we got home. I have 6 (or was it 7?) casseroles assembled in the fridge, ready to throw in the oven, 1 pan of brownies and pasta salad ready. Great family, awesome friends... How many people are so loved they are pulled in 4 directions for 2 meals? I mean, if that's our problem for tomorrow, what is there to complain about?

Tuesday, November 8, 2011


Hubby and I went to clean out my car tonight. Last night, after hearing it might be totaled, I was rather frustrated. I was happy with my car, we are still paying for it, and our goal was to pay it off, then buy hubby a truck. Having only 1 vehicle payment is a lot nicer than 2... Working out logistics for 2 working people and 1 car stinks.
Tonight, I have a new perspective. I didn't realize just how bad it was. Had we been going any faster at all, I might have had the whole windshield in my lap, not just tiny fragments. Our repairman said it hit closer to the roof, rather than full-on windshield, and that kept the deer from coming in on me. He also said the airbags should have deployed- which would have meant more injuries for us both. Hubby had a bottle of water up to his mouth on impact, and I was reading something on my phone.
Less than a year ago, we buried my uncle after a horrific crash. We spent several days at the hospital with him. That smell, those memories... Wow.
My hubby helped me clean out my car - not the clothes from our room. I have a cut on my pinkie that isn't looking so great - not multiple broken bones. Last night, my mom baked my birthday cake - instead of someone bringing her food to the hospital and making her eat it. I cleaned out my fridge tonight - instead of laying in bed (or worse) and letting someone else do it.
It truly is all about perspective.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Oh, Deer!

I turned 30 today. Just so happens, it was also Season Pass Appreciation Day at S*ix Fl*ags. Hubby and I loaded up late last night and drove over, so I could both sleep late, and enjoy the day.
As we stepped in line for our second roller coaster, and walked right up to the loading dock, I thought, "I want to turn 30 every year!" Rather chilly, but so awesome to not wait in line for 1-2 hours. They closed at 6, so we were gonna grab some supper and get in early. Some g*oogling and gps'ing was taking us to a bbq restaurant we have close to home, that we knew would be yummy.
We're 6 miles away, driving on a dark, busy, 5-lane road... BAM!!!! Out of nowhere, our windshield just explodes! On my side... Hubby did an awesome job keeping us steady, maneuvering through traffic to the side of the road. I look up and see something pointing at me. I thought something came through the windshield and stopped inches from my face. Whew, okay, that was just the visor.
We both determine we are okay, and are trying to figure out what in the world just happened. I have tiny pieces of glass all over my clothes and hands.
This guy knocks on our window and tells us a truck hit a deer, and he saw the deer then hit our car and go flipping through the air. He was kind enough to stay with us until the police arrived.
It took a good 20 minutes or so for the police to find us. We had no clue where we were, I could only give them the road name based on the gps. He said we couldn't drive home, because the windshield was too damaged. He said we would either get a ticket, or the windshield would collapse on us. He did allow us to drive on to the restaurant to wait for a tow truck, since hubby could still see fairly well out of his side.
My car? I don't even care. It can be fixed. Or we can get another one. Aggravating, for sure, but hubby and I work near each other. He will have to go in early, and I will have to stay late, but we're okay! Can't say washing my hands felt good - several small scratches and cuts, but wow. The tow truck driver said we were very fortunate the deer did not totally break through the glass. He worked another wreck where that did happen. The deer did not die on impact, and it kicked and kicked through the glass, seriously injuring one of the guys in the car. Hubby could've lost control and slammed into the other traffic. It stinks, but I told him - maybe that was saving us from something worse happening further down the road.
So, 30 has started out with a bang - quite literally! I'm hoping for fewer deer, but more excitement. Namely good news from the state.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Dumb, followed by torture

I couldn't help but roll my eyes when I saw the title for this year's Christmas cantata for the adult choir. If there's one Christmas song I could place in a box and hide away from the rest of the world, it would be M*ary Did You Know... (Sorry, Mark, it's just a difficult song!)
If you don't know, that song is written "to" Mary, the mother of J*esus, asking her if she knew her baby boy would do the things He did and be the thing He is. You should definitely g*oo*gle it, but get a tissue handy first. I'll wait...
So that's the title of our musical this year. Of course, MDYK is in it. Tonight, for the first time, I heard the song before MDYK, which is a solo... Written from the perspective of Mary. "Mommies and Daddies" are the first stinkin' words, and the song talks about imagining what your child will be when they grow up, and who would imagine He would be a King?
In my mind, I crossed my arms over my chest, stomped my foot, and said "this is a DUMB song!" Really, it's a good song, and I like it, but it stings. I long to hold my children, to meet them and know them, so I *can* have dreams for them. I managed to keep the tears away. Even though I started thinking about how a few months ago, when we started practicing this music, I was still thinking I might have to sit out because I could be holding my babies*. It doesn't look so likely now, and Christmas morning has the potential to be painfully quiet and very sad. But I didn't cry.
Then we started singing MYDK... I tried really, really hard not to cry. It's not just the words, but the feelings and thoughts that song brings with it. It's torture, really, for me to try to sing it. At first, I thought it would just be a few tears I could easily wipe away. Yeah, except not. I quietly left the choir loft and went to the bathroom.
It's not the first year I've struggled through a musical. I just thought it would be soooooo different this year.

*I guess, technically, it could still happen. The optimistic side of me is holding out hope. The realistic side is trying to prepare for another quiet, childless Christmas.