"Adoptees are faced with a feeling of loss and grief that they are not allowed, by society, to actively mourn... She is aware that family members are lost to her, but is expected to not mourn the loss of this family member she has never known."
Not in my house. When that issue arises, I'm hoping I will remember my own grief and mourning of losing a family member (or a few family members!) that I never knew, and never existed. (And now I'm looking at that word - existed - ans wondering if it's spelled correctly. Don't you hate those words that just look wrong on paper?)
Should you google aladult adoptees," you will find lots of scary stuff. Some wish adoption was illegal. A lot are angry at the parents who adopted them, and think more highly of their birth parents. A good many are disappointed with reunions or the lack thereof. I'm wanting to believe that it's a "support group" type thing. I want to believe that those adult adoptees who are happy in life and treated well by their families, just don't see the need to blog about their life as an adopted person, because it's just not an issue. Much in the same way you wouldn't really expect someone who's never been touched by infertility to blog on and on about how easy getting pregnant was, and how awesome it is to not have to spend a year's salary trying to get that first baby here.
So I'm left with wondering how to get from here to there; how do you raise an adopted child to feel loved and wanted more than anything in the world, while balancing that with acknowledging the loss of a different family, and appreciation of the birth family, regardless of the circumstances leading up to the adoption? It seems to be a balancing act. If I weren't so darn shy, I would ask these questions of people I know who have/were adopted. Maybe I'll try http://www.successisrelative.com's Fearless Friday challenge, and just step out and do it!