Thursday, May 29, 2008

Sister-in-law offered hubby and I some pizza for supper. She had her 2 nieces spending the night. So hubby and I went over to get the pizza and play with the 3 little girls and youngest nephew. We drank poisoned tea, we died, and we were tickled back to life... S-I-L practically threw the baby @ me when I got to the door, which, of course, resulted in him crying, but a few minutes later, we were sitting in the floor, mommy could leave the room, and he was showing me his mad new crawling skills.... And laughing at my silly games and faces and sounds and teaching him to roll a ball was quite funny, too. Then switch, I was playing with the little girls and hubby had the baby. S-I-L does NOT rough-house with them, that is HER hubby's thing, he was at a baseball game, so it was MY hubb'ys job, the girls decided, to be their jungle gym. A rather melancholy feeling, all that giggling and jumping on the bed and poisoned tea... I knew we were coming back to an empty house, where I was get online and hubby woudl play the play....station. I knew that by the time we DO acquire our children, they will have no silly little cousins their age to play with and be silly with. All of our kids' cousins will be at that age where it's so totally NOT cool to play/share with a baby/toddler. Sigh.... I thought I was back.... Those baby steps I was talking about before our weekend get-away? Yeah, they're more like baby-oh-well-I-gave-it-my-all-and-it-wasn't-even-half-a-step, steps. Some laundry is washed and dried, and that is the extent of my house work for the week. It's not folded or put away. Most of our non-clothing-trip-stuff is still sitting in the living room or bedroom floor. No hope for the weekend housework, too much going on!! Oh well, maybe next week! After sleeping for 12 hours Tuesday night, last night I was up until 6 am (yes AM, as in it was daylight when I went to bed!), slept for 3 hours, and went to work. So tonight, I've done next to nothing.
So where am I? Somewhere between I'm-going-to-be-productive-during-my-season-of-no-kids, and that-big-mess-will-still-be-there-tomorrow-so-screw-it-all-give-me-some-chocolate!!
I did NOT purchase the OPK today.. Partially because, once again, I'm about to turn in my SECOND mileage of the month, and haven't received the FIRST check (life just got in the way again, I guess.... Too bad I'm almost out of gas, which I need to make those deliveries!)Anyway. Also, I just really didn't want to. Call it lazy, call it taking a break, call it depressed, call it whatever you want, I just don't feel like messing with it this month. (TMI on the way!!) Anyway, it's a heckuva lot more fun when you're not having to time things just so, you know? Argh. I should not be so jaded one year into marriage.... Nor should I be so far into this whole infertility thing.... We should be just now going "Hhmmm, there just might be a problem," instead of this crappy place. Grrrrr I hate myself when I get like this.
On a happier note, I had a friend ask me if anyone had ever told me I should become a writer because I'm so well-spoken. (Yes, quite often..... And this one time, I was given a free week of summer camp because a director was so impressed by a letter I wrote... And I was about 10 or 12 then, no abuse and no infertility to write about yet) Ha!!!! AND..... Tomorrow night I get to go to my fav Italian place for hubby's aunt's surprise retirement party. Pasta Bake here I come!!! AND.... They have this awesome thing called a "chocolate potato," which is vanilla bean ice cream rolled in cocoa and chocolate drizzled on top..... Perfect time for a chocolate craving!!!!

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

So. God has planted this little idea in my head about starting an infertility support group around here. I came up with all kinds of excuses as to why this was a bad idea... My hubby likes to keep things private... I'm not really far enough into this journey, pretty much everyone who would be there would have been at this a lot longer than a newlywed.... And anyway, I don't even really KNOW of more than 1 person who is having difficulty ttc, and SHE doesn't even know that I know that, AND she doesn't know that WE are TOO.... And what would we do if I started it... And so, as usual, God is answering those questions..... Um, you know, like He is answering all of those prayers/begging/pleading for someone who actually lives close to me to talk with.
It all started a few weeks ago, at a community-wide yard sale I participated in (that ironically, wasn't MY community!) We sat up in front of the church I was a member of in high school, so of course I saw lots of familiar faces. Including K, a girl I had classes with and was friends with, but once I graduated, we didn't really see each other again. She is married, has no children, and I immediately thought maybe they were ttc without success. I don't know why I thought that, but there seems to be a pattern developing with that.... Anyway, she friend-requests me at, and mentions an old blog I had posted there about adoption. We message back-and-forth, I share a little, she shares a little, and she has IF issues b/c of endometriosis. They are in the process of adopting, but not finished ttc, either. I mentioned wanting to start some sort of group, and she said she'd be interested, too.
Now. there's another girl who is a year or two older than me, T, and she has been married for several years (like K), and ttc for about a year. She got pregnant once, but lost that baby very early on. I knew before she got pregnant, that they were not having much luck ttc... Older sister and I were in Wal****Mart and ran into her when OS was pregnant the 3rd time. I saw the look on her face when my sister told her in the middle of the store that she was expecting again, that look of disappointment, followed by the cover-up smile of I'm-happy-for-you-but-sad-for-me-and-not-going-to-cry-in-the-middle-of-the-store-or-in-front-of-you look.... But couldn't say anything because hubby was still not wanting to let anyone know at the time. Well, hubby finally changed his mind a while back, I think, but I was a chicken and didn't say anything. So tonight, I finally sent that m!ysp!ace message. She had heard we were having trouble, but not from OS, so honestly I don't know who she heard it from, because even though we do have common friends, to my knowledge we don't have common friends who know about mind and hubby's issues... Hhmmm.... Anyway..... She tells me about ANOTHER girl in our community (we'll call her C). C and her dh just found out they can't conceive.
So with C.... Once again, and this sounds so dang corny, "I just had this feeling".... A couple of months ago, hubby and I went to an associational fire dept appreciation banquet (read: free steak dinner), where we also won some pretty sweet door prizes (read: Wal****Mart gift card and L0gan****s gift card!!)... Anyway, C and her dh were there, and we ended up sitting at the same table as them. Same as with K, I just got the feeling that they weren't having any luck. I knew I was sitting with someone who was in the same boat as me, so to speak. But I couldn't say anything, because hubby is still very private. ARGH!!!!
*******This paragraph has been edited/deleted because it was just all wrong.... So.... In its place... ******** At any rate.... I don't understand why I seem to "just know" when a woman is experiencing IF... I know that it can't be "coincidence" or "fate" or anything but divine intervention. Okay, so in one case, I recognized the look on her face... But the other two times, there wasn' really any one certain thing that set off that feeling.
And with the whole group thing.... I have been praying all this time for God to send me someone locally to talk to, thinking that you know, someone would just kind of come up to me one day, or I would stumble across someone's blog... Instead, He is placing people in front of me and tapping me on the shoulder and telling ME to encourage THEM.... The whole adoption thing has kind of been slammed shut to us for the next 2 years at least (the agencies I've contacted require us to be married for 3 years, have I mentioned that before?), so my prayers have kind of turned to "Okay God, what would You have us do in the next few years?" I don't want to be one of those people who sit and wait for life to happen. So my perfect plans of marriage by 25 and done having kids by 30 are not likely to work out exactly that way.... Living in reality, what can be done NOW to help others? (But don't think I'm completely giving up until 2 more years go by.... I have a new contact that I am still thinking about, who is available on Wednesdays.... I may wait until the 1st Wed in May, or I may call when that particular contact is not in)
The question of the day is: Should I buy another OPK tomorrow? Argh........ On one hand, I hate to waste the $$$$..... On the other hand, I'm feeling lucky, and there ***could*** be a miracle in store..... Have I mentioned I wish AF would just be MIA for about 9 months?

Monday, May 26, 2008

Home again, home again, home again TOO SOON...

Well we took a 4-day vaca to the Gatlinburg/Pigeon Forge area. We left Thursday evening, and were planning to come back sometime tonight. As in, we probably would ahve been just now getting home. More about our wonderful little trip later (tomorrow perhaps? depends on how things go)
We had planned to do some things today we hadn't gotten around to doing earlier in the weekend (because we slept until lunch time!!) I had just gotten out of the shower when my cell phone rang. It was my older sister. They called the family in for my grandfather last night around 11, but decided not to call us until this morning, because we had around a 5-hour drive. I'm not really sure how much I've mentioned him on here... My Grandmother died a little over 2 years ago, after surgery on an aneurism in her abdomen. The day she should've came home from the hospital, we were burying her. Some anger and resentment there, because instead of driving an hour to the hospital when I received the call that she was fading, it was requested that I stay and sell some more freakin' CHICKEN.... She was still hooked up to all the machines, and I did watch her pulse and blood pressure fall off the charts, but my grandmother was already dancing with the angels while my boss made me stay at work. (I've really let go of it, can ya tell??....... NOT) Anyway. She was a stubborn, hard-headed lady, as independent as they come, but I mean that in the nicest way possible. She lived with rheumatoid arthritis most of her life, from before my youngest aunt (who is now in her 30's) was born. The doctors told her she wouldn't be walking within a couple of years, and she walked into the hospital for her final surgery. She drove herself wherever she needed to go, even The Big City for all her appointments and surgeries and check-ups, ragardless of how many of us offered to take her or drive her or told her how it scared us for her to do so. You didn't ask her if she needed help in the kitchen, because she would tell you plainly that if she needed help, she would ask. She baked cakes, cooked meals, sewed, headed up the food/fellowship hall committee at church right to the end, even when it meant she was hurting, even when it meant sitting in her scooter chair, even when most of us would be in bed and popping pills.
Grandmother and Grandaddy were married for more than 50 years. That's a long time to love someone, care for someone, and be around someone. They didn't argue, or if they did nobody ever heard them. Now they were just as big a smart aleck as the rest of us, but never did they seriously argue. After 1 year of marriage, I would be lost without my husband, and I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like to live without the one person on earth who has been your constant companion for more than 50 years. They leaned on each other, he took care of her through many surgeries and recoveries, she took care of him during and after his stroke, they always had each other. Grandaddy was the one person who could help Grandmother without getting "the look" or told she could would ask for help only when she needed it. (Probably because after all that time, he knew when to NOT ask!!!!) Anyway, for the past couple of years, Grandaddy has been lost. There's really nothing "wrong" as far as being sick, no cancer, no heart disease, no more strokes, I really think he is dying of loneliness. He has fallen several times, and has numerous back fractures, but when he would go to the hospital, they coudn't tell if the fractures were old, new, or somewhere in between. Eventually, he was put on hospice care, because there was nothing the doctors could do. He stops breathing for 30-45 seconds at a time. He has hit my mom (TOTALLY out of character). He now actually tells us when he feels bad. He isn't eating. He got out of bed tonight for the first time in 2 days. He laid in his recliner for a couple hours. I almost cried when we were helping him stand up to transfer to his wheelchair. He had on a hospital gown, which means he is in really bad shape, because Grandaddy always wears a button-down shirt and his khaki pants. Even in the hospital. His little legs were just skin stretched over bones. He has no calves at all, and very little thighs, mostly just skin. It could be hours, it could be days.... It could be months or a year, but none of us really think he will be around more than a few days, if that. His heart is set on Heaven, to be with his Savior and his wife.
So instead, we packed up, ate breakfast, made some last stops for fudge and candies and a chocolate malt from B.ask!n R0bb!ns for my sister because there's not one in our state anymore, and drove on in. We had supper at Grandaddy's. Around 10 kids under the age of 13, (4 or 5 or 6 10-12-year-olds, the rest 4 and under!!), Grandaddy's 5 kids and their husbands and uh, girlfriend-or-wife-or-lady-he's-just-living-with, my 2 sisters and our husbands, etc.
The best parts of the evening: BBQ chicken, homemade fixin's, ribs, hot dogs, hamburgers, etc for supper... With much much Dr Pepper because that is in the K family blood or something... My shirt still smells like high-dollar baby formula, because everyone else has kids, so I get to hog the 9-lb 5-month-old who is allergic to everything. We got to entertain the older cousins at our leisure. The biggest, best part: knowing that I made it home to see my Grandaddy before it was too late, I got to tell him I loved him, and the best part is that soon, he won't be hurting or depressed ever again.
Not sure when I'll be on again, this week may be pretty busy.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Oh yeah, I'm back!!

So, it's Monday evening... The laundry is all washed, dried, folded, and put away for the week.... The kitchen is clean, all the dishes are washed... The living room is straightened and in order.... Even the kitchen table is in relatively decent shape. While it doesn't sound all that impressive, considering how the past few weeks have went, oh yes, it is rather amazing!! I'm coming out of my funk.
One minor incident this morning.... I grabbed lunch after making a morning pick-up along the drug route, grabbed 2 $5's out of my purse, threw my keys in my purse, locked my car door, got out, ordered my food, they didn't have $1's, no problem, I'll go back out to my car and get the change.... Anyone notice what's missing? Yeah, my purse, you know, the one I threw my keys in? It's in the passenger seat.... My husband has the only spare key, which he usually leaves at our house. He works in a town about an hour and a half away from my job... Nobody else has a key to our house... There's not one hidden outside anywhere... It will take 30 minutes more to drive from where I am, back home, then 30 more to drive back to where my car is, then an hour and a half back to work for him... I have both drugs and cash I picked up this morning in my car, so can't really leave it... My car is still insured under my parents, so she is looking for a number to call the insurance company, I tell hubby to stay @ work... The verdict: insurance will pay up to $50 for locksmith.... A former boss of mine uses one in town for everything, I know they're reputable, we call them, they tell us it will be about $45 and 15 minutes. The guy gets there in about 10, is in my car in less than 5, and says they quoted too high for the short distance he came, and knocks it down to $35.... I have a $20 and a $100... They don't take checks, he doesn't have that much change.... Luckily, there's a small bank in the same parking lot, where I get change... Whew..... Thankfully, the rest of the day was less exciting, except for getting a tad lost in one of the wrost neighborhoods, and coming out on a street known for drugs and drive-by's.... Just another day in the life of the delivery person... Can you tell why I'll be glad when I don't have to do that part anymore? And really, I should've stuck with the Sl!mf@ast diet I started a week or two ago and avoided the whole key thing.....
Speaking of the diet, Ican now button pants I couldn't pull up a month ago... It's not a pretty sight just yet, but I'm getting there. Pants I bought on our honeymoon last year almost fit like they did when I bought them. Pants I bought around Christmas hoping I would lose enough weight to wear by this summer, I was able to wear to work today.
Not only am I back, but less of me is back! ;)

Monday, May 12, 2008

Questioning... Post-Mother's Day Funk

Okay, I knew Mother's Day would be tough, but the day after was supposed to be better/easier!!!! For startes I need more rest... I've been working a LOT more than usual, both in hours and in standing all day for 8 hours, packing drugs and making deliveries for about 2 and a half hours, getting through traffic safely, getting in and out of my car, tracking people down, etc. More stress, not enough rest, and I think that 0r!ental accu...pressure deal we got on our anniversary has made my back/neck/head worse than it's been in a long time...
But today I'm just flat-out depressed. I've dealt with depression off-and-on since childhood, so you'd think I would be used to it by now. The tears came and went on Mother's Day, depending on the situation.... (And now I'm trying to remember if I already blogged about this?) Anyway... Back to today.... Unless there's some obscure adoption agency I don't know about lurking in the shadows, it looks like we have to wait 2 more years before we can even begin the necessary paperwork for adoption. Several people have said "Oh, well see, you're already a third of the way there!!" which is about like telling a pregnant lady "Oh, you'll only be pregnant for three more years!!" The truth is I'm ready for a baby NOW, not three years from now!!! (or four or more, depending on a lot of details)....
And tonight is one of those nights you question things.... Why does a mother run off and leave her kids with a father who can't read, so she can go use drugs? Why does another mother leave her kids with their grandmother to go overdose and leave those kids with no mom? Why does an innocent little girl have to lose her mom to cancer on Mother's Day? Why are there orphans who will never know a mother's love? Why? why? why...... When there are women who would give just about anything to be called Mama, why do so many others tell their kids to go play in their rooms? When their are parents who have lost their kids to diseases and accidents, why do so many others wish their kids would go away so they could have a quiet, clean house?
It's been said that you can't miss someone who never existed.... Then why does my heart long for that baby I'll never feel growing inside me? A co-worker looks down on her friend who questions why God punishes her every time she's pregnant with a girl, when said co-worker has given birth with no problems to 2 healthy kids... But how many of us have that thought in the back of our minds, what did I do wrong do deserve this? Why does nobody realize Mother's Day is not all happiness and joy, unless they are infertile, have lost their mom, or have lost their child? I prayed for and reached out to several women before and on Mother's Day, who I knew would have a tough time. Why are people who know about my struggles with infertility only concerned with me making their day happy? Thanks for not being concerned at all that it took every ounce of stiff-upper-lip-ness I had to make it through your baby's dedication.
Don't mean to sound so down, but well, that's where I am....

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Dilemma solved, new friends, etc

Argh.... My mom "solved" the MD dilemma for me, by telling me that a baby dedication is a once-in-a-lifetime-thing, and there's no question I should go to that. Uh, thanks mom!! I'm not sure how things will go... I did find out that we won't be crammed into my in-law's house, we will be eating @ the church. M-I-L is cooking for us though. And we are apparently eating supper at my parents', so we'll be staying for the whole stinkin' lunch. Don't get me wrong, I love them all, and I'm very thankful to have such good in-laws... We all get along wonderfully, we all help each other out in different ways, but this will probably be one of those days where I'm not very into taking care of everyone's kids!!! I thought once you got married you could leave the kid table????? Oh, no, wait... Somebody's gotta be there to supervise, so it should be the married couple with none of their own!!! Ugh.... Thankfully we went to W.a.l M@rt after a movie tonight, around midnight (I know!! we stayed out way late lol), and just went ahead and bought cards for our moms, and I even went all out and got our sisters cards. And orchid corsages for our moms... It was a really good time, the store was fairly empty, so those tears that almost came would not have been so bad. Now we just have to go to town tomorrow (or a few hours from now actually... so much for resting this weekend!!) to buy the actual gifts.
New friends... Well, last weekend @ our yard sale, an old friend from high school, who I haven't seen since high school, came up. She added me on my.sp@ce, noticed one of my old blogs there about the orphans from Ukraine, and things have taken off from there!! She and her hubby were working on their dossier, when they were told the Vietnamese program had closed. So now they are looking into DH_R to foster adopt. I've been praying for friends close by who are going through things similar to us, and of course God is providing right when we need it. Still waiting to hear from another person who I emailed.
Adoption... Well, the agency Ellen at http://suburban#### saga. blogspot. com (take out the spaces and ##'s)told me about requires that couples be married for at least 3 years, which seems to be the magic number for most angencies. Which means that it would be 3-4 years from now before we could really get a child. I'm more patient than I used to be, but that is a loooooooong time to wait when you're ready, oh I don't know, YESTERDAY!!!!! So we'll keep on trying, keep on looking, and keep on praying, and try to remember to never ask God for patience, ever again.. ;)
Bed time!!

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Anniversary, Mother's Day, Adoption, Misc.

Whew.... Work is killer right now. I'm going in 2 hours earlier, and working at least 1-2 hours later!! Things will settle down SOME in another week or two, but I will still be working more hours than I have been for the past year... Which is a good thing, because our pharmist is going to start working on our boss hiring a driver, so I can stay in the pharmacy and not have to make deliveries anymore... I HATE driving, so that would be A-OK with me!!!
Our anniversary was yesterday (May 6)... We both had to work, but got home early. We went to The Big City (as my little cousin calls it) to PF--Chang*s... Yummy!!! It was a little loud for an anniversary dinner, so we should've sat outside. I dunno, though, there were several little kids running around outside. Anyway. Then we went to the G@ller1a, where we **thought** we were going to get a massage.. Which was actually "Oriental Accupressure," which being interpreted means "Chinese torture"..... I don't recommend it!!!! We are both pretty sore today.... Soon (if I ever get another mileage check -- but that's another story) I'm going to schedule us for the soothing, relaxing, non-painful massage I really wanted us to do. The best part of the day: when I got home, hubby had the table cleaned off, and the kitchen in awesome order!! It really takes so little to make me happy... :) He also got me a huge vase of beautiful flowers, and a picture frame with a pic and an anniversary poem. I really like them both.
Mother's Day dilemma, or part of it, was solved by my mom, who said (and I quote) "Well, you'll be at the baby dedication, that's a once-in-a-lifetime-thing!!!" Uh, thanks, Mom.... So now the questions du jour is how can I stay sane and how will I ever keep the tears at bay? Fun fun fun...
Adoption.... I have an awesome new blogger friend who is giving me some sweet hook-ups. (Thanks Ellen!!) So far, I have emailed a(n infertile) friend of hers who lives relatively close to me and goes to church in The Big City, and contacted an adoption agency she knew a good bit about, Just South of the big City, where there is hope of a child within a year of the paperwork. Wahoo! The more I read, the less sure I am about international adoption for the first child.... I still want to do it, I'm just not sure if that's what I want in the beginning. I'm waiting to hear about marriage length restrictions, financial info, etc. Ellen is a God-send!!!
About the whole mileage check thing.... I work for a small (but growing) closed-door pharmacy. Our pharmacy is in one city, the main office (where the bosses work) is 3 hours away. I'm a pharmacy tech / delivery person, hopefully dropping that last part relatively soon. We just moved out of a mental hospital into our own building. (I don't remember how much I've talked about this here!! Forgive me if I'm repeating myself!!) The hospital was rather centrally located in respect to my deliveries (to mental health group homes, assisted living facilities, a boys home, outpatient mental health consumers, etc), and the new place is located away from everything, on a busy 4-lane with lots of traffic. Not that any of that has to do with my mileage check, but that gives you a picture of my crazy job these days.... We don't clock in/out, we just keep up with out time, and I usually call my house and leave a message with my time and mileage at the end of the day.... I tried writing it in a calendar as I was driving, but that's not the best idea in the world... Anyway. I turn in hours and mileage after for the 1st-15th of every month, and the 16th-the end of the month. Paychecks are direct-deposited, so there's no worries with that getting into the bank. Mileage/expense checks, on the other hand, are mailed.... Sometimes you get it 2 days later, then other times, it takes several WEEKS and EMAILS to the boss's wife, who handles that sort of thing. My aunt also works for this company, for the side that is still located in the mental hospital, and turns her mileage in once a month... She got Feb's check near the end of March, has yet to receive March's check, and is still of course waiting on April's check.... I'm still waiting on both checks from April. Have I mentioned my car needs tires? It's getting to the point that, I need my mileage check, or they are going to be paying to scrape my dead body off of the highway because I had a blow-out.... It's really not fun to air up your tires every 2-3 days in dress clothes. :( And while I would like a new car, I'd rather not sacrifice my quality of life AGAIN.... Soooooo tonight I sent an email to the boss's wife, a nice polite little note that said I hadn't received my check and wanted to confirm she had received my mileage... But really it was my passive-aggressive attempt to say "I want my money, ho," because it stands to reason if my direct deposit goes in, then of course she has my mileage, because I send them in the same email. :)
Yeah I was aiming for bedtime at 10:30.... It is now 12:15.... I think I missed it by a little.... So please excuse all typos, b/c instead of proofreading, I'm going to sleep!!

Thursday, May 1, 2008

And the insanity continues....

Logged in just over 114 miles today, not including the 20-mile-or-so drive from home to work, and work to home... F-U-N... Witnessed one wreck, saw a trooper writing up a report for another (apparently, red light now means stomp it or something!), and topped it off with seeing a drunk driver being arrested. Have I mentioned that it's no fun trying to pull onto a major 4-lane highway with no red light? Have I also mentioned that I hate driving anyway, and lots of traffic and 18-wheelers surrounding me still make me nervous, after 8 years? Not to mention the fact that I worked twice as many hours today as I normally would.
So I come home from work late, stressed out from going all over the county, trying to get to all the homes/offices before they closed, dodging idiots who can't drive, etc... Got a crap load of housework to do before niece spends the night tomorrow night... Promised hubby I'd fix chicken and dumplings tonight (which took twice as long as usual, because I boiled the chicken in way too much water, so I finally gave up and we had very soupy dumplings).... While the chicken was boiling I managed to get most of the living room clean.
So I called sister-in-law to discuss the niece-spending-the-night-thing.... And got inundated with lots of extras.... They want us to get together with them and hubby's parents sometime Saturday, you know, between niece spending the night, a nephew's 2nd birthday party, and it would be nice to spend some time with hubby somewhere in there... Oh, and so-and-so from the community had her baby today.... And youngest nephew's baby dedication is on Sunday, and dinner will be after church for niece, nephew, s-and-b-in-law, b-in-law's mom, brother and s-in-law and THREE kids, cooked by hubby's mom. It will mean a lot if we come, too, they hope to see us, blah blah blah....
Okay, we go to the same church with hubby's parents and sister and family (hubby, niece, youngest nephew). So we're with them EVERY SUNDAY.... So generally on a holiday, we go to my parents' church. You know, the ones we DO NOT o to church with on a regular basis. Just a few times a year. Baby dedications are hard on me anyway. Mother's Day is hard on me anyway. So let's just combine them, AND not let me get to spend Mother's Day with, um, you know, my mom, who will probably have to work that night???? Um, excuse me? So on a day that I already just want to pull the covers over my head, you are asking me to spend it with two baby boys under the age of 1 year, plus 2 4-year-olds and an 8-year-old, crammed in a tiny house, where I am the only woman of child-bearing age who has given birth to ZERO children? With b-in-law's s-in-law, who kinda gets under my skin on a regular day? Do I LOOK like I want to have a nervous breakdown?
The real problem: how do I tell an overly-sensitive sister-in-law all of this (or most of it), without hurting feelings or making it seem like I'm just skipping out on an important day in my nephew's life?