Wednesday, November 24, 2010

It's not even 9pm...

...And both batches of brownies are cooling. Supper is done and waiting on hubby to get home - a big pot of soup so I can freeze what's left. Pasta salad is done and in the fridge. 1 casserole for lunch and supper are mixed together, ready to chunk in the oven in the morning and afternoon. There is a very minimal mess to clean up. I've gotta mix another casserole, then decide if I want to do pigs in a blanket and split a cake into 2 smaller ones.
I might get to watch the parade on tv tomorrow! Sometimes it's more fun to *not* fly by the seat of your pants!

Monday, November 22, 2010

New Friends, and Playing with the Nephews

Please excuse the non-blogging. I've been sleeping more, going to bed earlier, and ah, just give me more sleep. And looking for adoption stuff for fb. :)
We had our community revival last week - most of the churches in our community come together, we have services @ different churches, and each pastor has their night to preach. We have several new pastors, and one of them and his family could easily be our new friends! He preached one night, and touched on the adoption topic, mentioning the very verse I had read the night before. So after the service, I thanked him and told him I had just read the verse and we were getting ready to adopt... And he told me their son was adopted! It was an awesome story - they had tried some fertility stuff, suffered a loss, and decided to adopt instead. It happened really quickly, then they ended up conceiving on their own a year later - and now have 2 under 2! The last night, I met his wife and children. Both nights, we all talked for a while.
It wouldn't seem like a big deal to some, but keep in mind that we live in the middle of nowhere. Adoption playgroups do not exist, the path hubby and I are on is "weird" and people just can't understand why we wouldn't "try for our own kids." So to meet another youngish couple who share our heart for adoption, and "get" why we've made the decisions we have, is a big moment!
Nephews... I didn't get to see them last week, because of revival and funeral home stuff. I missed them like crazy! So yesterday after church, we all ate at my parents' house, and my job for the rest of the afternoon was to play. The other grown-ups got the house cleaned up and ready to decorate for Christmas, and Aunt NotTheMama just PLAYED. It was warm, and dry, so we were outside. "Outside play," in the baby's words. We played ball, and ran around, and tackled each other, and jumped on Aunt NotTheMama, and rolled around in the grass, and played chase... It was such a great afternoon! They are all hilarious, and say the funniest things. The baby will be 2 next month, and he is really starting to talk, and say things that HE comes up with on his own, instead of just repeating whatever we say. He like to say "Ummmmm..." when you ask him something. They are all such little hams!
So, if I disappear again for a while, you know I'm either sleeping or playing... Or if it's Friday, I'll be shopping!

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Sometimes, it's just too much

Our dogs had their puppies... Yes, both of them. On the same day. I believe in sharing, but that is just ridiculous! We have 14 lab-somethings. Welcome to Aunt NotTheMamas, where the dogs get knocked up easily and quickly and give birth at the same time, the tomato plant is very fertile, and the humans are anything but...
My mom backed into my car, then hubby and I were an hour away from home when his truck exploded and we were stranded in the cold parking lot for over an hour. A kind man and woman stopped and told us it sounded like we had blown a spark plug. A gracious friend made the hour drive to tow us in, and is working on it. Again, ridiculous.
We're back to one car, and it needs some body work now. This is the week hubby has to stay late at work. It's also our community revival.
But it's not all crappy things happening in two's. I baby-sat 4 siblings Friday night, and they told their parents I was the best sitter ever, and they want me to move in. They keep asking for me. Today at lunch, the waitress couldn't figure out who our niece and nephew belonged to. They wanted me to sit between them, and I just did what I always do, coloring with them, playing, and without asking, I automatically jumped in and cut up the little guy's food. Everyone bragged on Aunt NotTheMama on a day she really needed to hear something good. One full week of work, then a 3-day week. Another full week, then I'm using my remaining 4 days of vacay. Not sure if we'll be able to go anywhere after we fix both vehicles, but the time away from work and together will be enough. Work continues to be not fun or nice.
The porch railing is coming along, they just have 3 more pieces. I feel like we've kind of stalled out on the adoption process, until we finish this project. We still haven't sold our old house.
One day, life will be better. things will improve, someone will need our old house, our new house won't be so quiet, my job will change or go away, and life will be better. Apparently Someone wants me to work on my patience until that day :)

Saturday, November 13, 2010

I wish, but i'm glad

I've started a post for several days now, only to delete it and go to sleep. I've begun to blog about the way I wish things could be... I wish I could feel nothing beyond total happiness when someone makes their big announcement, but there's a varying degree of sadness thrown in the mix. I wish I didn't think it so strange that so many only have to fall into bed to procreate. I wish my sadness didn't apparently come across as anger to some.
But at the same time, I'm glad... I'm glad that I can be walking down the street, see a child of any nationality, any shade of skin, and think "that could be MY CHILD!" I am not limited to dreams of a tiny, squalling, naked newborn covered in slime; no, when I dream of how my children come to me, I am not limited at all!!! I see different ages, races, developmental stages... I'm glad that I have a lot of mommies in my life who know how much I love children, and are happy to hand off their babies to Aunt NotTheMama for a few hours. So many just let me love on their kids and spoil them and play. Mama gets a little time away, too, which makes her a better mommy. I'm glad we have had time to prepare for life with kids, and we have had time to ourselves.
It's so important on this journey to keep a proper perspective. Without perspective, it's easy to turn to the bitter side.
Last night, I kept an old friend's 4 children, ages 2-5th grade. It was the easiest baby-sitting I have done, they were great kids, I made 20 bucks that I fully intend to just spend on myself because I can, but best of all, the 8-year-old daughter told her mom I was the best baby-sitter ever. A 2-year-old who has only seen me a handful of times, has never played with me, and didn't know my name didn't bat an eye when her parents left, reached up for me to hold her, and laid in my lap at bedtime. Most kids do trust me like that. Those times take away the bitterness and the hurt intended by other people. :)

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Really Mine?!

I got (read: picked out for myself) the best book for my berfday last night. It's by Mary Beth Chapman! And it's called Choosing to See. The lady at the bookstore told me to be ready to cry, and that she and her 18-year-old daughter couldn't finish it. I was already tearing up just looking at the pictures! I was ready for sleep when we got home, but ended up reading over half the book before I couldn't force my eyes to stay open any longer.
It hit me like when my nephews and cousins tackle me and I'm not expecting it...
MBC was writing about the moments before Shaohannah was brought to their room, about how she (MBC) was still nervous, scared, and unsure... But when that door opened, she ran... RAN and grabbed her little baby Shaohannah and hugged her up and was immediately, undoubtedly, forever Shaohannah's Mommy.
That's when it hit me... I. Will. Be. Mommy. Not Aunt "N," as I am to more children than just my "real" nieces and nephews. Not just n##e""s**s//a to the adults who feel silly calling me "aunt." Not "just" the aunt, or the babysitter, or the ss teacher, or the friend. Mama. Mommy. Forever. My child. I don't have to send him back home the morning after spending the night. She will run to ME with her skinned knees and broken heart.
Warning: this will sound selfish and childish and you very well may think I should just grow up, already... But I have waited a long time for this, and seen it happen for so many others, so many times. I've wanted so badly to be Mommy. Yes, I'm reaching that (self-proclaimed) status I said I'd never reach - the Baby-Starved Wingnut. And I don't even care. Here's that selfish/childish/grow-up-already part: s/he is MINE, and I DON'T hafta share!!! Mine to hold, and feed, and change, and give baths, and rock, and only share when I darn well feel like it! Oh, I hope to not hurt feelings, and I'm so afraid I will. I fear that I won't be willing to let anyone else hold my baby; grandparents, aunts, uncles, and friends who have waited so long, too, will want their turn. I'm already the baby hog - as in, if we are at a bday party or church or wherever, when I get whatever baby is there, I don't share well. I admit it, unapologetically.
I know it won't be all rainbows and butterflies. I will eventually want a break. I will eventually look forward to spend the night parties with Grandma or aunts. I will gladly say, "Oh, you can change him," gladly let someone else feed the messy little booger. Eventually. But for the first little bit, I am the mommy, so you'd better back off. Please :)

Wednesday, November 3, 2010


** I'm freezing. With flannel sheets, one of those soft/fuzzy hotel blankets, a comforter, and wrapped in a fuzzy lap blanket, and sweatpants and a longsleeved tshirt, I'm laying in bed freezing. But we will NOT turn on the heat just yet. Because we may need the air again any day now. This is the time of year we just let the heat/air rest, and freeze or sweat, depending on the season of the day.
** I'm up late. 2 things I wanted to watch on tv, I made it through half of the second one. I've been falling into bed between 7:30 and 9:30 the past couple weeks.
** My stomach hates me. But the scales are thrilled that I either have to eat something bland, or stay near a restroom for a while. Thinking it's stress, but...
** Adding up everything makes me wonder if I should be making an appt. But where? With whom? And when?
** 4 vacation days. Trying to find a time when I can get away from stupid work.
** I've typed this all with one eye open, and it's about to close. Spell check will have to wait.
**Good night!

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

November - Thanksgiving, birthday, NAAW

... But not really in that order!
All month, it's National Adoption Awareness Month. I'm telling myself (and now all 3-ish of you) that I will post at least one adoption-related fact/verse/statistc/anecdote per day, to my f*cebook. I didn't really make that announcement on fb, because I didn't want to look like a total goof if I make it to Day 5 and get caught up in other things... Or just forget that I was going to do it, or decide to post instead about how awesome my chicken and dumplins are, even if I DID make them... But it's okay to put it here, because there is exactly one person who is my fb friend AND a reader of my blog, so I'm pretty safe... Unless the rest of you are on fb and send me a friend request! ;) (which is totally okay, too lol) People like to talk about their kids; while I'm waiting, I like to talk about how mine will join our family!
My birthday is a few days away. The last year of my 20's, but hey, all 30 means is I'm old enough to adopt from China! 28 hasn't been that bad overall, but I'm hoping 29 is better. :)
Thanksgiving... We have so much to be thankful for, and I'm working on that. I tend to see the "realistic" (read: sometimes "negative") side of things. It's easy to get caught up in the busy-ness and that feeling of being pulled in a million directions, and forget that life IS good, things could actually be MUCH worse, and one day things WILL get better.
Of course there's also shopping, and holiday-vacation time, and family time, and hopefully a completed porch rail and home study. Busy month!