Sunday, March 21, 2010


Uh, no... That picture on my f*b page is *not* any indication I am knocked up. And it stings a little that you would ask, but I'll go with the fact that you are an innocent, single, early-college virgin who is blissfully ignorant about things such as IVF with ICSI, TESE, and you've probably never even heard of azoospermia!
First time I've gotten that comment in a looooong time. (The only other time someone has point-blank asked me if I was pregnant, it was a teenager just bursting at the seams to tell me that she WAS). It stings. Well, not so much stings as feels like she just hit a deep bruise. Like a massive bruise that never goes away. Please tell me it will eventually go away??????
I'm dealing... I have my moments. If I'm totally honest, I haven't made a habit of imagining myself pregnant in forever; even before marriage, adoption was the way I pictured it. Very occassionally, I will stick out my belly and "pretend" for a few minutes, or while I'm laying on the couch, I'll put my hand on my belly in the way I've seen expecting mothers do. I did that today, for the first time since I can't remember when.
We've been talking about DI, but I just don't know. I'm trying to do my research.
Today, I went to church with older sis and family. Where we sat 2 rows behind a set of triplets that will be turning 1 next month, 1 row in front of a 5-month-old, and across from a child who could be a case study for this-kid-should-be-in-foster-care. Preparing for woship takes on a whole new meaning! I'm finding I have to mentally prepare myself for a lot of things -- birthday parties, bridal showers, trips to the store -- pretty much anywhere I might run into pregnant women or babies.
We are close, but so far away.

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