Monday, March 8, 2010

0. Zilch. Nada. Nothing.

Which was expected. Sucky, but expected. It's still sinking in. On the one hand, it's a relief, and all systems go for adoption! On the other, there was still a part of me that hoped for different news. He doesn't have a lower than average IQ. He didn't go to trade school, he went to and graduated from a 4-year school, and he's a freakin' bank manager! He doesn't have learning disabilities. I was hoping for sperm!
Darn it, I really really REALLY like proving people wrong. In my younger days, I would have done *anything*, no matter the cost, to prove I could do whatever was in question. I've mellowed somewhat over the years (I make it sound like I'm 95), and I can now take a step back. It's okay. I don't feel like I have to risk everything - emotionally, financially, intimately, whatever - to prove that we can achieve and maintain a pregnancy. You're right, experts. It ain't happenin'! You think it's azoo right now, wait until you see this house with non-English speaking children trying to learn how to be part of a family!
I'll give myself a few days to let it sink in. We'll spend the next 2 months readying our new house for a homestudy. We'll take a vacation the week of our anniversary, just enjoy time together and celebrate that magic number 3 the adoption agencies all require in our state. Then, we will come home and get to work on the paper chase!
"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vine, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet will I rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength" Habakkuk 3:17-19A.

1 comment:

Michele said...

oh hon... warm thoughts...