Friday, March 26, 2010

It's all in my head...

I've started new posts, some in my head, some on my phone, but finished NOTHING...
Honestly, there's not a lot of funny in me right now. Put that post on the back burner.
Some various, random things are bothering me, but I can't really put my finger on what those things are, exactly. Scratch that post.
There's a huge incongruency going on in my heart; at least, for today/tonight/this hour, that's in the forefront of my mind. I'm trying to put to rest any dreams/ideas of conception and pregnancy, and prepare for the child(ren?) that WILL be entering our lives in the next year or two/three/pleaseGodMakeItSoon. I've researched DI, and I'm just not feeling it. Great for some, not really for me.
it hit me on the way home to pick up movie coupons between me getting work and hubby leaving the office: our child could be living and breathing RIGHT NOW!!!! Word of advice: don't stand between a Mama and her baby! To think that my baby could already be here just blows me away. To think that our child could already be conceived, or maybe she's just now thinking she might be pregnant and doesn't really know what to do -- I feel like a Mommy, even if it's just a little bit! And I want to know what my baby is doing. Is he in Russia, about to begin his day? Is she snug, safe, and warm and still a bun in the oven? Do they know that Mommy is coming to get them, just as fast as she can??? Could I actually *do* the dreaded MiDay this year, sans tears? Whoa, wait, let's not get carried away here!
I was just thinking at dinner... It's almost May. Like THE May, THE anniversary that I thought would *never* get here. And even though it felt forever away, looking back, it wasn't that long, after all. All those blogs I've read were right - it is so worth the wait, and 3 years really isn't too long. (Please remind me of this in a few months when I'm freaking out over paperwork or waiting months or a couple of years to actually hold my baby!)
We're in the home stretch. We have some awesome friends who, when hubby told them the financial part is holding us back, took it upon themselves to organize our first adoption fundraiser - a lunch after church, with everything from food to utensils donated. My fears of feeling bad about asking people to help us raise just part of the money we need, were for nothing, because we have awesome friends.
So, the homestretch. 3 years coming up in just over a month. Financial part beginning to be chipped away. Thinking about our children as more than hypothetical. It really does seem surreal!

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