Monday, March 1, 2010

For This (Hypothetical) Child I Prayed

Last week (or maybe the week before?) I was in H*bby L*bby showing hubby some mirrors and wall hangings and such that I want for the new house. I came across something I *had* to purchase. It was a set of praying hands, with a baby in them, and the inscription says, "For this child I prayed." It had been a bad day for the infertiles, and I was needing a little pick-me-up. And it was half off.
For this child, we HAVE prayed. Regardless of what Wednesday holds for hypothetical biological children, we WILL one day have OUR kids, and they are prayed for by us, by our families, and by friends.
We have already decided what we are and are not willing to do. We are expecting nothing, but hoping for something. We would be willing to try IUI, if that option is available. We would NOT be willing to swim (no pun intended) in the alphabet soup of procedures that we are most likely going to be told is our only option. (TESE, ICSI, IVF along with lots of other fun things) If they found what they needed to find in the TESE procedure, and if they retrieved eggs, and if an/some embryo(s) developed and survived, we would be left with a 40-50 percent chance of maintaining a viable pregnancy, assuming there are no other unknown issues. That's a lot of variables and only half a chance!?! It has worked for some couples. It is the right thing for some couples. It is the only option for those not wanting to live childfree and not wanting to adopt. It is not the right thing for us, for many reasons. The money is a big one. I can't see myself spending that kind of money on something that has so little chance of "working" anyway. I would love the chance to be pregnant and experience all of that, but it's not worth giving up my calling to adopt to try for "our own." (A phrase I hate, because our children will be our own, regardless of how they arrive!)
I'm anxious and nervous (and have the stomach issues to prove it), but really I'm just ready for the appt to be over with. I'm ready to deal with whatever is going to happen, and move on. Given the research I've read, assuming we get the results we expect, I am giving myself through Saturday to grieve.
Did I mention I received a baby shower invitation? For the couple who have been married for less than a year, straight out of high school. The little punk had the uh, nerve to ask me, taunt me even, why we "weren't poppin them out yet," before they were married. I told him to be careful, people would be asking them the same thing, to which he quickly replied it only takes 9 months and that's how long they were planning to take. Guess who is having a "honeymoon" baby, and guess whose father spent the entire day before the wedding crying in a field... Skipping that shower.
Here's to Wednesday!

1 comment:

Michele said...

Sorry about the shower- that sucks...

I saw a beautiful picture in our local Catholic shop with a sketch of a mother holding a baby with that inscription. It always makes me catch my breath.