Pardon that last rant... Can you tell this is not a good time?!
Well... Let's just say I felt a little less than wonderful yesterday. I had to decide whether to treat the cramps or the migraine (the 3rd or 4th in a week, no less) first... Bring on the mid0l. Which left me with a monster migraine. Instead of cleaning house or getting ready for this weekend's trip, I stayed in bed until I had to get ready for hubby's b-day dinner, almost a month late. So last night, after we got in around midnight, I took a muscle relaxer and went to bed. Didn't make it for Sunday School, but I MADE myself get up and go to preaching. Usually, I'm poking hubby to wake him up during the sermon. Today, I was just struggling to remain conscious myself. Even after a nap this afternoon, I'm still kind of groggy and tired. But I felt better otherwise. My body finally relaxed last night as I slept. Too bad I can't take one of those every night.
So I was already not in a good frame of mind, when the announcement was made during lunch that a fellow infertile friend is pregnant. If you've been there, you know how that feels... Good for her, I'm happy that yet another person gets to experience that.... Wasn't there a better, more private way to let me in on that little bit of info? I lost my appetite, but did manage to eat what I had already put on my plate. I also managed to keep the tears away until we were in the truck. When I sat looking out the window, not talking, and let a few tears fall silently. Because I knew hubby's reaction would be that I can't let things like that bother me. It was easier to just suffer in silence. And now, he's in bed, and I can just let the tears go.
I KNOW God's timing is not right for us to have kids now. I KNOW one day it will happen, somehow. But the question is, how many more times do I have to keep my emotions in check... How many more ruined meals, mixed feelings, awkward announcements, etc will I see before I get to be on the other side.... I really need to get to the beach.