Monday, August 16, 2010

Calm, Patient, Waiting.

I am calm. I am patient. I am waiting.
Waiting for an interesting panel night tomorrow night.
Waiting for our first home visit to be scheduled.
Waiting to find out the next steps.
Waiting to have my Tuesday nights back! (Last class is next week)
Waiting to see if my mom is okay.
That last one just might be the straw that breaks this camel's back.
I am insanely calm. Well, there was that one, brief (seriously, maybe 5 minutes, if that) breakdown in the shower Saturday. But I am so chill.
Keeping comforting scripture close at hand and fresh on my mind. Reminding myself that God is still in control. Determined to enjoy the wait. Lots of deep breathing. Keeping focused only on what I can do **right now**, not the future.
As far as my mom... I want to believe that it is nothing, that she's gonna be fine. After all, at her church Friday night (revival), they sang the same song we sang at my church the Sunday after my dad was diagnosed with cancer. The doctor found it in his leg, but was sure it didn't start there, and not sure it could be stopped or cured. Between 4 and 5 years later, there has still been no sign of cancer anywhere in his body. Praise the Lord!
Today was a bit less calm and peaceful, but I'm working on it.
I'm not worried about my house being **perfect** for our first home visit. Clean, yes; organized, mostly; perfect- I'm so over that! I want to do a little more tidying up, but I'm not gonna stress myself out over it.
Calm. Patient. Waiting.

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