This post is gonna be a little different from most. Just sayin'.
Do you know the titled story? The Israelites were being oppressed by the Egyptians. The pharaoah ordered all Hebrew baby boys to be killed. Jochebed had a baby boy, and she hid him for 3 months. Wen she could no longer hide him, she put him in a basket and set him in the river. The pharaoh's daughter finds him, and Moses' sister is looking on. She goes to the pharaoh's daughter, and volunteers to go get a wet nurse for the baby. Pharaoh's daughter agrees, and Jochebed is allowed to raise Moses for a few years, before Moses goes back to the pharaoh's daughter.
Jochebed gave up her son, because anything else meant death. Pharaoh's daughter saw an infant in need, and took him in. She didn't have a clue that she would be such a huge part of Bibe history!! The pharaoh's daughter adopted Moses so he would not be killed, and unknowingly allowed Jochebed to nurse Moses, and spend those tender first years of life with her son.
So? I've mostly been closed off and unreceptive to domestic adoption, and especially OPEN domestic adoption. Selfish, selfish, selfish! I wanted MY baby, I didn't want to share MY baby with another woman. But wait a minute -- aren't OUR children actually GOD'S children, anyway? If I was in the same situation, wouldn't I want to know that my baby was loved and cared for and being treated fairly? Can I blame a birthmother for caring enough to give birth to an unwanted or unplanned child, and caring enough about that child to give it to me, and wanting some pictures or letters or contact with "our" baby? Selfish.
It's a catch-22, this while birthmom-thing... I pray for both the mother and father from which cometh my child, to make good decisions, to be healthy and safe, to become Christians if they are not, to be whole and healed and okay. But if they DO make good decisions and stay healthy and straighten out their life and everything is just peachy-keen, then they're not going to "need" me to raise "our" child. God doesn't "need" me, but He has "CHOSEN" me.
I still feel that we will definitely go the international route, but I also have to question my motives for turning down anything domestic. There are children here in America, in the US, who need Mamas and Daddies. There are still those, albeit at a lower rate, who fall through the cracks and end up in a life of crime, abuse, and pain, because they did not get adopted. I feel the need to further investigate domestic adoption. Our pastor told us about a meeting Monday night, where (our state) B*aptist Children*s H0me was holding a meeting for prospective foster parents. Hubby and I went to that meeting, but walked away without a definitive answer. Is foster care right for us? We're still not sure. We went in to the meeting just wanting more info, not necessarily leaning one way or the other... Okay, we were actually leaning away from FC, but now we're kind of in limbo. Would it hurt? For sure. Should we put our hearts out there? Possibly. Maybe not. We don't know.
I've come to a point that I'm the most at peace about our infertility that I've ever been. I don't really want to upset that peace right now, especially in the next couple of weeks as we await the birth of a new cousin. Could I foster? My initial answer is I want to protect my heart, but what about the foster children who need a Mama and Daddy to love them, to show them Christ's love at least for a season? I have "given up" children before. I hugged a Ukrainian boy good-bye, knowing I would probably never see him again, knowing part of my heart would go back to Ukraine. I had asked everyone I knew about adopting him, but nobody could or would. I had to let go of foster kids at a summer camp for several years. I let my niece and my nephews go back home, go to Mama when they fall. I smile as the church kids leave my class when their Mamas pick them up. I recognize the emptiness in my home, when all the children leave, it is quiet, and there are no more giggles or squeals or cries. Could I do it if the kids actually lived with me?