Sunday, July 20, 2008

Baby, baby... Where are you?

Ugh... It's almost midnight... My head hurts (again!)... I feel like I could puke.... And I had a 2 hour nap, so there's no sleeping happenin'! It was one of those distractable days where concentration was at a minimum. Possibly left-over from yesterday, when I saw lots of babies and toddlers, and held/played with most of them at the fire hall? I taught the 4- and 5-year-olds in Sunday School. They helped each other put a puzzle together, then we had their little Bible story, then they got to color until their parents picked them up. I was asked yesterday if I would be interested in taking the "big girls" (I believe 2-4 grades?) on Sunday nights, instead of pre-school. I'm thinking about dropping out of the choir for a while. I stand and sit up there during the first part of the service, and I'm looking out at all the families with their babies and kids and grandkids, and some days it's just too much... Hubby doesn't understand--he wants a baby sooner rather than later, but it doesn't necessarily BOTHER him that we don't have any. He doesn't get why I'm not confirming whether or not I will be at a baby shower until nnext Sunday when it occurs, because I need to see what kind of day I'm having. Our Sunday School class is shrinking again, as a girl who recently moved back into the state, is leaving for another part of the state for a teaching job. The other guy who comes is liekly going to be offered a job within the next few months a couple hours away, which means he would be moving, too. Which leaves me and hubby in the singles' class, AKA college and career, AKA we really don't have anywhere else to put you, so we'll put you together. Which means we can join another class... The one meant for parents of toddlers and pre-schoolers. Because in our church, you're either a child, single, or married with kids... We have a few new couples who also don't have kids, so I was thinking it would be nice to make a new class, but who knows...
Wow, this has been pretty scattered.. I'm once again at that place where I have a strong desire to be someone's mommy, and it's hard to be around families, then come home to a family of two, but I also know that now is not the time for us to become more. I want to tuck my little girl into bed. I want to rock my baby to sleep. I want to answer silly and not-so-silly questions. I want to read books with my kids. Something, or someone, rather, is missing from our lives... Don't get me wrong, we have a good life, and we definitely enjoy each other's company, but it seems like life would be more complete with the pitter patter of little feet. At the same time, I know that children do not really "fix" everything wrong in life, and with children comes a whole new set of worry/difficulties/responsibility... I guess it's just post-AF blah.

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