Tuesday, June 15, 2010

I just want to lay down and cry, and I'm not gonna proofread this either

It's nothing, really. Then again, it's everything. Remind me next year to *not* volunteer for 2 weeks straight of v*b*s! I'm just exhausted, I'm ready for an evening at HOME after work, where I can just come in, do some housework, and COOK a real meal - or not. Being around all these babies is like getting some bad crack - I KNOW it's gonna make me feel crappy, but I just can't stop myself! Last night, I held the little girl who belongs to my best friend from high school, while the grandmother took out her son. Beautiful red curls, made my heart ache to think that she and her big brother have just about made it to the age where my friend will just be done with them and give them to her mom. And she just keeps poppin' 'em out.she just had # 4, she doesn't have custody of her oldest, and more often than not, the grandmother has the next 2. She just no longer has the mental capacity to take care of children, due to an extended illness when we were in high school.
All those "kids" I used to think were just babies? Yeah, I'm taking care of THEIR kids now! Everyone comments on how most of the kids at all of the churches around here call me AuntNotTheMama, and how awesome I am at playing with and caring for any and all children... While that's true, it makes my heart ache, because I want to love and care for my own children like that! I'm tired of "substitute" children, but the alternative (no children in my life at all) is unfathomable.
Work is always a blast (not)... Favorite co-worker always finds a way to mention infertility and someone who "magically" got pregnant after being told it wasn't possible. It's obvious she "really does understand," after today... A girl we all know got pregnant using IF treatment, with thriplets, and now has lost one. Favorite co-worker is all "but I'm sure she's just thrilled with the other 2, and if something does happen, then at least she knows she CAN get pregnant!" Um, yeah. As if the knowledge that yes!you!can! Get pregnant completely negates that you have already lost 1. As a friend who recently had a m/c put it, this was not a practice round! UGH!!! It just goes to show how completely CLUELESS this girl is!
So. It's bedtime. I could go on for hours, but that would only make me more tired and thus more weepy and irritable. And with 15 4-year-old-and-under children to keep up with this week, weepy and irritable are a bad combination! Did I mention AF will be here tomorrow? FUN TIMES MAN!!!

No comments: