Sunday, May 9, 2010

The Infertile's Obligatory Mother's Day Post

It's different for every person, every year. There's not a "right" or "wrong" way to celebrate/ignore/boycott the day. This year, I actually planned to skip church, months in advance. Before I knew we would be getting home from vacation at 3am, before I knew I would spend the few hours left in the night coughing and hacking my head off, before I knew I would only have to leave so that coughing and hacking wouldn't bother anyone else. Our church does baby dedications on Mother's Day, and I knew months ahead of time that this was not the year for that!
In years past, I either tried to conceal my tears through it all, or went to church with my mom. Except, now my mom goes to a church full of babies, including a set of triplets.
Call me selfish if you want, but I got a little more sleep, I leisurely read the paper, and I cleaned out the vacation junk from the car. And I didn't have to answer difficult questions from nosey people, or stare at the ceiling in an attempt to not cry, or loop "go to your happy place" through my head for an hour or two. Did anyone notice I was conspicuously absent on a major holiday, when I never miss? I don't know, and while if they did, it's fine, I'm equally okay if they just thought I was in the nursery or at church with my mom.
We celebrated our 3rd anniversary on our vacation. The magical one, where we suddenly have crossed the line, according to the agencies in our state, that we have been married long enough. This was the day we were waiting for, the only thing holding us back! .... Then we bought a new house, and haven't sold the old one, and realized exactly how expensive international adoption actually is. Now the cash is holding us back.
I was around some people who ignored that it was a difficult day, and I was around other people who acknowledged it - they didn't make a huge deal of it, but they let me know they were thinking of me. I much prefer the acknowledging.
It was not a bad day - I was good to myself, I gave the proper "happy mother's day"'s and showed up for and was emptionally stable for everything except church. It was a good day - any day I get to spend time with our families and see all of my babies (niece and nephews), it is a good day.

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