Sunday, February 7, 2010

depression... something I've dealt with off and on for most of my life. It hasn't REALLY bothered me in a long time, but the past 2 weeks have, for the most part, been a downward spiral. I know it's partially due to circumstances with work. There have also been tons of pregnancy announcements from various people and places. It's an emotional time at church, as our pastor's wife was recently moved to inpatient hospice care; they are just waiting for the end. 2 other ladies also continue to get life-limiting news. I know that my younger sis will be ttc in the next few months... Keep in mind, shr has to try to **not** get pregnant.
I used to be a crier. In high school, especially early on, I cried on a near daily basis. Over the years, I developed a thick skin and did a 180... I never, or rarely cried in front of anyone. More and more people are seeing a side of me that I have only allowed a select few see in about 10 years. Our pastor is taking a break right now to be with his wife, so today we had a preacher who has served as an interim pastor for a few churches in our area. For whatever reason, this morning was one of those emotional mornings... I could blame it on the song we were singing, or the mention of the baby shower, or the young couple who had a wedding shower followed by a baby shower literally a couple of weeks later. The truth is, though, it's just that nagging depression settling in.
I don't want to clean house, I want to sit on the couch and stare into space. I don't want to go anywhere, I want to go to sleep. I don't want to cook anything, I want to go to bed. I muster up the strength to go to work, and by the time I get home, I'm just so emotionally spent that I just want to go to bed. Twice last week, I realized I had driven past my destination, either because I was lost in thought or just going through the motions. My stomach has been in distress multiple times in the past couple weeks. I'm pretty sure it's just the emotional upheaval...
Sorry to be such a Deb*bie Down*er... I KNOW deep down that this too shall pass... I know I have the hope of Christ... I know thay weeping endures for a night, but joy comes in the morning. I know I will get through this, but until it's over, I just want to sleep.

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