Tuesday, January 26, 2010

It's a Toss-up!

Ugh... As if there wasn't enough going on, I woke yesterday morning with a major, full-blown sinus infection. Skip the gradual come-on, skip the usual fix with OTC meds, go straight to, oh wait, I couldn't go straight to the doctor because I had to work! Let's just say I started an anti*bio*tic and leave it at that. I made it through the day, thankfully it wasn't extremely busy, and went to bed as soon as I got home. And stayed there until this morning.
So, now for the toss-up. Pha*rmac*ist comes in this morning, cheerful as always, like nothing has happened. So we can assume either: a) she doesn't realize how she's hurt me, or b) she's not the caring, considerate, kind friend she pretends to be. I am thinking (A), because that seems to be the case.
Not many people ever see the angry, hurt infertile side of me. I try to keep my outbursts private, as we have kept our IF journey largely private. *** Her SIL, on the other hand, has a (public) really hard time with IF. I have heard some stories- sometimes my response is "wow, she's crazy," and other times I think "ya know, that's common IF feelings right there!" Now maybe she had mental issues before IF, but all of this crap is enough to make even tha sanest among us completely nuts. I've been close to the edge a time or two myself.
But.... Maybe there's a happy medium? If non-IF'ers see an IF'er who always seems together and calm and not eomtional, they think we don't struggle and can therefore "handle" whatever news comes our way. Then we get hurt and they donakt even realize it. However, if they see a daily struggle, lots of tears, and we share every way in which we hurt, then we're "psycho," to use her words. So it's a toss-up, really... Either get your feelings hurt a lot, or be viewed as crazy. What is the haapy medium, and how do you find it?

*** Which we are currently failing, miserably more so day by day. As more and more people hear of our adoption plans, they also either figure out on their own, or someone else tells them. Which was my prediction when we first started discussing our IF issues.

1 comment:

Michele said...

I know what you mean. We kept it together publicly but then that meant people said things that hurt (and they probably had no idea). But the reverse is the "psycho" type comments; and it would have hurt me more if they thought we were nuts