What I Don't Want

***Your platitudes and fake hugs. There are plenty of people in my life who truly do care about me, and they give me all the REAL advice and hugs I need.
***Your attitude. If I can bite my tongue, so can you. I have managed to keep my mouth shut for a long time. You are thiscloseto finding out exactly how I feel, in no uncertain terms. If you're going to quit, then do it, but quit with the idle threats and stop making everyone else miserable because you hate your job. If it's that bad, then there's the door!
***Your pity. No, you actually don't have the first CLUE what it feels like to be me or to be in my situation. This is no pain olympics, and your loss was heartbreaking, but don't tell me you understand when you obviously can't begin to fathom.
***Your snake-in-the-grass two-facedness. And I'm fairly certain that's not a word. But if you have a question about something I've done, perhaps you should ask ME, and not go over my head and basically make sure our boss knows every mistake I make. Because it's only making YOU look bad. And do you know how many of YOUR mistakes and oversights I fix, without a mere MENTION to ANYONE??? You really make a lot of careless mistakes, but I usually chalk it up to your being stressed and busy. Seriously, in an entire multi-page report, you find *one* error that is mine, and the rest are *yours*.... But of course none of those are your fault, either, are they?
But I'm taught to turn the other cheek. And pray for you, my enemy, and bless you who spitefully use me. And as I do so, I heap flaming coals on your head. So how deep would ya like to be buried?

More drama in the workplace... I really want to punch her...

So our new girl is getting married this weekend, and she showed me her BFP this morning. Go ahead, do a double-take and read it again. But you read correctly the first time.
And from Favorite Co-worker, I get an "Are you okay?"... And when I say that yes, I will be, and that it's a lot easier to be told than NOT, or only be told because something's wrong, she jumped down my throat about how it was HER decision to not tell me, and she hadn't told anyone, not even her best friends... Then proceeded to smile and give me platitudes about how God will woork all of this out and He has His own special little plan just for me, complete with a fake half-hearted hug and all. I DO NOT DOUBT FOR A MINUTE THAT GOD WILL WORK IT ALL OUT!!!!! But don't chew me out because you hurt me, knew you hurt me, and never apologized, then turn around and try to put a bandaid on that huge wound you just ripped open. I. Really. Wanted. To. Hit. Her. Not the first time I've said that about her. Actually, a lot of people have thought the same. She's the one we get all the complaints on for being rude.
I couldn't even respond. I'm thinking about writing it all down, because I know I would stutter and stammer through trying to tell her off verbally, and forget half of what I wanted to say.
Oh, to top it off, she told me she understood how hard all of this is. Back up sister, you don't have a freakin' CLUE. You had 2 beautiful babies with no problems. You were never told it was impossible before you even got to try. You never had to face all of your married life smiling through the platitudes and stupid comments much like the ones you just gave. So don't tell me you understand, when obviously, you don't! How about an I'm sorry I hurt you, or a meaningful what can I do to help. No, you'd much rather be the bitch that you usually are.
Why do I care? WHY DO I CARE what she says, if I know that she's just a bitch, and always will be? It's nothing personal, she's just a spoiled little girl who will never grow up and admit she's wrong or apologize, and she's only concerned about herself. WHY DO I CARE??????? But I do, and I hate myself for it.
How do you politely give someone like this a piece of your mind? Or is too much casting your pearls before swine? Obviously she doesn't care about anyone besides herself, so will it even make a difference? But ya know, maybe I should do something one time Just.For.Me.

The Infertile's Obligatory Mother's Day Post

It's different for every person, every year. There's not a "right" or "wrong" way to celebrate/ignore/boycott the day. This year, I actually planned to skip church, months in advance. Before I knew we would be getting home from vacation at 3am, before I knew I would spend the few hours left in the night coughing and hacking my head off, before I knew I would only have to leave so that coughing and hacking wouldn't bother anyone else. Our church does baby dedications on Mother's Day, and I knew months ahead of time that this was not the year for that!
In years past, I either tried to conceal my tears through it all, or went to church with my mom. Except, now my mom goes to a church full of babies, including a set of triplets.
Call me selfish if you want, but I got a little more sleep, I leisurely read the paper, and I cleaned out the vacation junk from the car. And I didn't have to answer difficult questions from nosey people, or stare at the ceiling in an attempt to not cry, or loop "go to your happy place" through my head for an hour or two. Did anyone notice I was conspicuously absent on a major holiday, when I never miss? I don't know, and while if they did, it's fine, I'm equally okay if they just thought I was in the nursery or at church with my mom.
We celebrated our 3rd anniversary on our vacation. The magical one, where we suddenly have crossed the line, according to the agencies in our state, that we have been married long enough. This was the day we were waiting for, the only thing holding us back! .... Then we bought a new house, and haven't sold the old one, and realized exactly how expensive international adoption actually is. Now the cash is holding us back.
I was around some people who ignored that it was a difficult day, and I was around other people who acknowledged it - they didn't make a huge deal of it, but they let me know they were thinking of me. I much prefer the acknowledging.
It was not a bad day - I was good to myself, I gave the proper "happy mother's day"'s and showed up for and was emptionally stable for everything except church. It was a good day - any day I get to spend time with our families and see all of my babies (niece and nephews), it is a good day.

Screw the flooded cities, let's go to Disney World!!

We finally have a new plan in place. As of an hour or so ago, because we do best flying by the seat of our pants. We're about to begin the first leg of a 10-hour (likely longer, the way we stop) to Disney World. For the next several days, we can at least pretend that we can go on such a vacation on a whim. The truth is, the only way we can afford a big trip is because it's largely free. We are so thankful that hubby won that contest! Probably won't hear from me for a few days. ;)

Who Needs a Plan? Or, oh crap, BOTH cities we're supposed to be spending the next week in are under water!

So hubby wins this trip to Nashville. So we want to be gone longer than 2 nights, and decide to spend a couple of night in Memphis as well. WE ACTUALLY MADE RESERVATIONS!!!! Here's a usual vacation for us: throw some crap in the car and take off. We'll decide where we're going on the way there. Or we'll pick a city or general area, and find a room when we get there. We. Do. Not. Plan. And the one time we DO have a plan, some reservations in a swanky hotel, and even day-specific plans for trips to the zoo and shows, both cities flood.
So now, we're trying to find another place to go. 6 flags isn't open except for Saturday. Amish country is in the same area of TN of our original plan. The beach might be oily. I'm really trying to work out some crazy disney world plan, calling and begging for discounted rates, but in reality, I don't think we can swing it. I'm not giving up until I get to a real computer, and not just the trusty blackberry.
Bottom line: tomorrow night or Tuesday morning, we are loading my car and going SOMEWHERE outside of Alabama. Thanks for the cosmic kick-in-the-pants, though, Universe!

Irony:

Irony: I, the girl with no pregnancies or children, am telling my younger sister, who already has 1 child, how to get pregnant. The first one was an "accident," the only weekend her hubby was home from working out of town. This time it didn't happen the first month they started trying, so now I'm giving her quite the education. Isn't it ironic?

Public Lewdness, and Sodomy, and Arrests, OH MY!!!!

Oh.My.Gosh!!!!
This guy, who I know from that place that didn't invent the chicken, just the chicken sandwich, and hubby knows from the department store they both worked at, was arrested. Rewind several days, to the story in the news about 3 men being arrested for public lewdness at a boat dock restroom in the city. Now fastforward to Tuesday, when hubby called to tell me it was Mr Shoe Salesman!! What, exactly, does this mean? Were they "just" (?) Exposing themselves, or more? I told hubby that if I were Mr. SS's wife, he wouldn't get bailed outta jail before the next day, for his safety! It's just so disturbing! And the other 2 men he was with were so gross! (As if it would be okay if they were clean, shaven, and not nasty) not to mention, dude, you're nearing 50 - go HOME to do that!
Then, when I got home after midnight, I sat down with the paper, and another rumor was confirmed - a really creepy guy from high school was convicted of sodomy. The victim was his stepdaughter. This guy was always creepy, I mean from the time we were like 10.
So today, after a crazy day at work, I'm just hoping to NOT see any familiar mug shots or read about another sex offender. Got another probable crazy day tomorrow, a busy weekend, then I'll work Monday and HIT THE ROAD!!!!! We've had to change our plans a little. We're going to Memphis first, then Nashville. Someone who will remain nameless (hubby) waited until last night to book a room, and the hotel in Nashville was booked Tuesday and Wednesday. Eh, who cares, we're not big planners! ;)