Thursday, July 14, 2011

I Might Miss His First Birthday (Or, I've really lost it, someone call the psych unit and reserve me a room)

So, instead of cleaning, organizing, cooking, or flippin' washing the dishes, I'm watching tat*too shows on t*l*c. Not sure where the fascination comes from, but I must admit I kind of want a tat now. And L*A I*nk is totally coming on again in a few weeks! YES!!!
So I'm sitting here, half watching these people learn the trade, and half reading random blogs. Because I don't have my final home visit next week or anything!
I ran across a blog post of a baby's first birthday, and it made me cry.
I might miss my baby's first birthday! Now, we did say age 3 and under, so you would think that wouldn't be so surprising. I guess I haven't really thought about it until now. I was totally okay with not changing diapers in the hospital. The possibility that we won't need bottles is fine with me. A walking, talking toddler? Sure, bring it on! I've never really thought about missing the first tooth, or the first steps, or a million other firsts, but none of that really brings me to tears. We/I had been talking about international adoption for so long, I knew there would be lots of typical "firsts" we witnessed with our nieces and nephews, that we would miss with ours.
So, why *this* milestone? The only thing I can come up with is it marks the end of the baby stage and the beginning of the big boy stage. I guess for the first time, I'm realizing that I may never know my child as a baby. And it makes me a little sad.

1 comment:

mskelli said...

Maybe when the time comes God will give you the grace to find other "firsts" to celebrate. Think of the first you go to church as a family... the first time he/she gets to help decorate the *family* Christmas tree... I'm sure there are others. I don't mean that to sound insensitive. Of course you *want* to be there for all the firsts in your child's life. Think of it this way, though; YOU will be the only mama in your child's memory. All the firsts that he remembers will have you there. I am hoping that I am making sense and helping. :-)