I've started a post for several days now, only to delete it and go to sleep. I've begun to blog about the way I wish things could be... I wish I could feel nothing beyond total happiness when someone makes their big announcement, but there's a varying degree of sadness thrown in the mix. I wish I didn't think it so strange that so many only have to fall into bed to procreate. I wish my sadness didn't apparently come across as anger to some.
But at the same time, I'm glad... I'm glad that I can be walking down the street, see a child of any nationality, any shade of skin, and think "that could be MY CHILD!" I am not limited to dreams of a tiny, squalling, naked newborn covered in slime; no, when I dream of how my children come to me, I am not limited at all!!! I see different ages, races, developmental stages... I'm glad that I have a lot of mommies in my life who know how much I love children, and are happy to hand off their babies to Aunt NotTheMama for a few hours. So many just let me love on their kids and spoil them and play. Mama gets a little time away, too, which makes her a better mommy. I'm glad we have had time to prepare for life with kids, and we have had time to ourselves.
It's so important on this journey to keep a proper perspective. Without perspective, it's easy to turn to the bitter side.
Last night, I kept an old friend's 4 children, ages 2-5th grade. It was the easiest baby-sitting I have done, they were great kids, I made 20 bucks that I fully intend to just spend on myself because I can, but best of all, the 8-year-old daughter told her mom I was the best baby-sitter ever. A 2-year-old who has only seen me a handful of times, has never played with me, and didn't know my name didn't bat an eye when her parents left, reached up for me to hold her, and laid in my lap at bedtime. Most kids do trust me like that. Those times take away the bitterness and the hurt intended by other people. :)