Thursday, August 4, 2011

New Territory!

Ah, yes... We're finally in new territory! Sure, we've made it to "hurry up and wait" in the adoption process, and - for now - it's a good place, but I never knew just how much relief would come with this stage.
I went to a baby shower this week, and for the first time in forever, I was NOT running off to the bathroom, or sneaking out the back door to go home early so I could cry in private. The only reason I had any tears in my eyes was because this is her first baby since her mom died, and she was upset that she would have to buy her own new pajamas. (She doesn't - several of us were thinking about just that, and she has several new sets!) I can't tell you how much relief it is to be able to just **BE** there.
I can confidently browse the baby aisles in stores. Without tears. Without getting mad and stomping off. Without thinking (or saying out loud to myself like a crazy person) "Who would want this dumb crap anyway?" We have made our first (very minor) purchases for our children, but we're not going crazy just yet. For one, we don't really know for sure what age/sex/size. Or how many. Or how long the wait might be. But... We are looking and shopping around! With no tears!
And... I am almost Mama, y'all!!! I mean I "am" Mama, just missing my kids, but I'm starting to FEEL like a Mama. I'm slowly getting to hang out with my Mama friends. They're including me more as a peer. I mean, they have always been super nice and sweet and all, but up until now, I've been mostly That Girl Who Plays With Our Kids And We're Glad They Really Love Her And We Can Chat While She Takes Care Of Them... Now granted, I only claim to be a grown-up when it's convenient for me, but it's nice to be *treated* like a grown-up, *by* other grown-ups. I'm a big kid, look what I can do. I can wear big-kid pants, too. Oh, wait... That's pull-ups. ;)
These are just a few of the welcome changes we are experiencing. Sure, I am a bit more emotional, and I cry at different things now... But happy tears are so much better than sad or frustrated tears. I'm at a good place right now. I don't want to get overly excited just yet - some of our family are handling that job rather well - it's a cautious, guarding-my-heart-but-dreaming optimism. We are really doing this!

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