Saturday, August 20, 2011

Patience and Peace

That has been the theme of this wait. People have been amazed that I am so calm and so patient and so peaceful. No, we haven't heard from our worker, and no, we haven't called her to see what the heck is going on. She said it would be a couple months, so I'm trying to just wait and be patient and maybe keep my calendar FULL so I'm not sitting around thinking too much.
I know they will come home at the right time, when *all* of us are ready. Maybe before this year is out, maybe not. Ringing my hands and making myself a nervous wreck will not bring them home any sooner, but it will make the wait a lot more difficult and miserable. This also isn't the first time I've surprised people with my laidbackness, if I may make up a word... I was totally zen about our wedding, too, because hey, it's only ONE DAY, and no matter what happened, we would still be married at the end.
That's not to say we don't have our moments. Last night was one of those.
Patience, peace, and waiting all went out the window! For whatever reason, I just needed my babies home NOW!!! I wish I could tell you every last detail, but for now I can't... But the last time I felt like this, there was very good reason for it! Call it mother's intuition, I suppose. I can only hope they are currently in foster care. I can only hope they are in a loving foster home, not being subjected to further abuse and neglect. I know several foster families and children, and there are some awesome, awesome foster parents in this world. I hope my children are with one of those families... And I hope that if any of them are reading this, they won't get offended. Because THANK YOU so much for taking care of my baby while I can't. You are doing an incredible job, and words can't express how much I appreciate everything you are doing for our children! But last night was one of those nights - nobody can love you like your Mama. My kids need to be HOME with their Mommy and Daddy. I need them to be home.
All of that nervous anxiety was taken care of with some prayer over their safety - guarding their hearts, shielding their eyes, covering their ears, to name a few - and some awesome worship music in the car. I don't even know how my radio got on that station. It's not what I was listening to the last time I was in my car. But just what I needed.
Hopefully, last night was a blip in the radar screen of peaceful, patient, quiet waiting. Hopefully, the wait will soon end. But if not, I have some pretty stinkin' awesome ways to deal with it!

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