Wednesday, May 28, 2008

So. God has planted this little idea in my head about starting an infertility support group around here. I came up with all kinds of excuses as to why this was a bad idea... My hubby likes to keep things private... I'm not really far enough into this journey, pretty much everyone who would be there would have been at this a lot longer than a newlywed.... And anyway, I don't even really KNOW of more than 1 person who is having difficulty ttc, and SHE doesn't even know that I know that, AND she doesn't know that WE are TOO.... And what would we do if I started it... And so, as usual, God is answering those questions..... Um, you know, like He is answering all of those prayers/begging/pleading for someone who actually lives close to me to talk with.
It all started a few weeks ago, at a community-wide yard sale I participated in (that ironically, wasn't MY community!) We sat up in front of the church I was a member of in high school, so of course I saw lots of familiar faces. Including K, a girl I had classes with and was friends with, but once I graduated, we didn't really see each other again. She is married, has no children, and I immediately thought maybe they were ttc without success. I don't know why I thought that, but there seems to be a pattern developing with that.... Anyway, she friend-requests me at, and mentions an old blog I had posted there about adoption. We message back-and-forth, I share a little, she shares a little, and she has IF issues b/c of endometriosis. They are in the process of adopting, but not finished ttc, either. I mentioned wanting to start some sort of group, and she said she'd be interested, too.
Now. there's another girl who is a year or two older than me, T, and she has been married for several years (like K), and ttc for about a year. She got pregnant once, but lost that baby very early on. I knew before she got pregnant, that they were not having much luck ttc... Older sister and I were in Wal****Mart and ran into her when OS was pregnant the 3rd time. I saw the look on her face when my sister told her in the middle of the store that she was expecting again, that look of disappointment, followed by the cover-up smile of I'm-happy-for-you-but-sad-for-me-and-not-going-to-cry-in-the-middle-of-the-store-or-in-front-of-you look.... But couldn't say anything because hubby was still not wanting to let anyone know at the time. Well, hubby finally changed his mind a while back, I think, but I was a chicken and didn't say anything. So tonight, I finally sent that m!ysp!ace message. She had heard we were having trouble, but not from OS, so honestly I don't know who she heard it from, because even though we do have common friends, to my knowledge we don't have common friends who know about mind and hubby's issues... Hhmmm.... Anyway..... She tells me about ANOTHER girl in our community (we'll call her C). C and her dh just found out they can't conceive.
So with C.... Once again, and this sounds so dang corny, "I just had this feeling".... A couple of months ago, hubby and I went to an associational fire dept appreciation banquet (read: free steak dinner), where we also won some pretty sweet door prizes (read: Wal****Mart gift card and L0gan****s gift card!!)... Anyway, C and her dh were there, and we ended up sitting at the same table as them. Same as with K, I just got the feeling that they weren't having any luck. I knew I was sitting with someone who was in the same boat as me, so to speak. But I couldn't say anything, because hubby is still very private. ARGH!!!!
*******This paragraph has been edited/deleted because it was just all wrong.... So.... In its place... ******** At any rate.... I don't understand why I seem to "just know" when a woman is experiencing IF... I know that it can't be "coincidence" or "fate" or anything but divine intervention. Okay, so in one case, I recognized the look on her face... But the other two times, there wasn' really any one certain thing that set off that feeling.
And with the whole group thing.... I have been praying all this time for God to send me someone locally to talk to, thinking that you know, someone would just kind of come up to me one day, or I would stumble across someone's blog... Instead, He is placing people in front of me and tapping me on the shoulder and telling ME to encourage THEM.... The whole adoption thing has kind of been slammed shut to us for the next 2 years at least (the agencies I've contacted require us to be married for 3 years, have I mentioned that before?), so my prayers have kind of turned to "Okay God, what would You have us do in the next few years?" I don't want to be one of those people who sit and wait for life to happen. So my perfect plans of marriage by 25 and done having kids by 30 are not likely to work out exactly that way.... Living in reality, what can be done NOW to help others? (But don't think I'm completely giving up until 2 more years go by.... I have a new contact that I am still thinking about, who is available on Wednesdays.... I may wait until the 1st Wed in May, or I may call when that particular contact is not in)
The question of the day is: Should I buy another OPK tomorrow? Argh........ On one hand, I hate to waste the $$$$..... On the other hand, I'm feeling lucky, and there ***could*** be a miracle in store..... Have I mentioned I wish AF would just be MIA for about 9 months?

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