It's a rough life, but somebody's gotta live it! ;)
We're back to coasting. I've returned to patient and calm waiting.
Hubby and I had one of those extremely rare evenings where we both were home - with no company, no plans, and no housework that couldn't wait another day. (Kitchen is clean, laundry is okay for one more day, everything else can wait!) My only goals were to clean out my car, and prepare an order for my p*amp*ered che*f party I had over a week ago. I did both! We also watched an entire movie on a work night.
The only down side is we are both different degrees of sick. I am getting over this cold or allergy attack or sinus infection or whatever, but hubby is just starting.
So I'm still looking at the calendar, still counting the days, but in a much better frame of mind to deal with it. Enjoying these days, because soon enough they will be long gone for about 18 years! ;) It's a rough life, but it'll do for now!
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
It's a rough life...
It's a rough life, but somebody's gotta live it! ;)
We're back to coasting. I've returned to patient and calm waiting.
Hubby and I had one of those extremely rare evenings where we both were home - with no company, no plans, and no housework that couldn't wait another day. (Kitchen is clean, laundry is okay for one more day, everything else can wait!) My only goals were to clean out my car, and prepare an order for my p*amp*ered che*f party I had over a week ago. I did both! We also watched an entire movie on a work night.
The only down side is we are both different degrees of sick. I am getting over this cold or allergy attack or sinus infection or whatever, but hubby is just starting.
So I'm still looking at the calendar, still counting the days, but in a much better frame of mind to deal with it. Enjoying these days, because soon enough they will be long gone for about 18 years! ;) It's a rough life, but it'll do for now!
We're back to coasting. I've returned to patient and calm waiting.
Hubby and I had one of those extremely rare evenings where we both were home - with no company, no plans, and no housework that couldn't wait another day. (Kitchen is clean, laundry is okay for one more day, everything else can wait!) My only goals were to clean out my car, and prepare an order for my p*amp*ered che*f party I had over a week ago. I did both! We also watched an entire movie on a work night.
The only down side is we are both different degrees of sick. I am getting over this cold or allergy attack or sinus infection or whatever, but hubby is just starting.
So I'm still looking at the calendar, still counting the days, but in a much better frame of mind to deal with it. Enjoying these days, because soon enough they will be long gone for about 18 years! ;) It's a rough life, but it'll do for now!
Monday, August 22, 2011
Just admitting it...
I admitted it to myself somewhat a few days ago... But tonight, I admitted it to another person.
And it turns out, just admitting to someone else that you are suddenly stressing out about something totally beyond your control - takes a little of the edge off.
Of course, creating order in your kitchen and catching up laundry doesn't hurt. Ah, there are a couple of things I can definitely control.
And it helps that I did some reading that told me what I'm feeling is normal and natural, and I'm not really losing my mind.
Buckle up, it might be a bumpy ride!
And it turns out, just admitting to someone else that you are suddenly stressing out about something totally beyond your control - takes a little of the edge off.
Of course, creating order in your kitchen and catching up laundry doesn't hurt. Ah, there are a couple of things I can definitely control.
And it helps that I did some reading that told me what I'm feeling is normal and natural, and I'm not really losing my mind.
Buckle up, it might be a bumpy ride!
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Patience and Peace
That has been the theme of this wait. People have been amazed that I am so calm and so patient and so peaceful. No, we haven't heard from our worker, and no, we haven't called her to see what the heck is going on. She said it would be a couple months, so I'm trying to just wait and be patient and maybe keep my calendar FULL so I'm not sitting around thinking too much.
I know they will come home at the right time, when *all* of us are ready. Maybe before this year is out, maybe not. Ringing my hands and making myself a nervous wreck will not bring them home any sooner, but it will make the wait a lot more difficult and miserable. This also isn't the first time I've surprised people with my laidbackness, if I may make up a word... I was totally zen about our wedding, too, because hey, it's only ONE DAY, and no matter what happened, we would still be married at the end.
That's not to say we don't have our moments. Last night was one of those.
Patience, peace, and waiting all went out the window! For whatever reason, I just needed my babies home NOW!!! I wish I could tell you every last detail, but for now I can't... But the last time I felt like this, there was very good reason for it! Call it mother's intuition, I suppose. I can only hope they are currently in foster care. I can only hope they are in a loving foster home, not being subjected to further abuse and neglect. I know several foster families and children, and there are some awesome, awesome foster parents in this world. I hope my children are with one of those families... And I hope that if any of them are reading this, they won't get offended. Because THANK YOU so much for taking care of my baby while I can't. You are doing an incredible job, and words can't express how much I appreciate everything you are doing for our children! But last night was one of those nights - nobody can love you like your Mama. My kids need to be HOME with their Mommy and Daddy. I need them to be home.
All of that nervous anxiety was taken care of with some prayer over their safety - guarding their hearts, shielding their eyes, covering their ears, to name a few - and some awesome worship music in the car. I don't even know how my radio got on that station. It's not what I was listening to the last time I was in my car. But just what I needed.
Hopefully, last night was a blip in the radar screen of peaceful, patient, quiet waiting. Hopefully, the wait will soon end. But if not, I have some pretty stinkin' awesome ways to deal with it!
I know they will come home at the right time, when *all* of us are ready. Maybe before this year is out, maybe not. Ringing my hands and making myself a nervous wreck will not bring them home any sooner, but it will make the wait a lot more difficult and miserable. This also isn't the first time I've surprised people with my laidbackness, if I may make up a word... I was totally zen about our wedding, too, because hey, it's only ONE DAY, and no matter what happened, we would still be married at the end.
That's not to say we don't have our moments. Last night was one of those.
Patience, peace, and waiting all went out the window! For whatever reason, I just needed my babies home NOW!!! I wish I could tell you every last detail, but for now I can't... But the last time I felt like this, there was very good reason for it! Call it mother's intuition, I suppose. I can only hope they are currently in foster care. I can only hope they are in a loving foster home, not being subjected to further abuse and neglect. I know several foster families and children, and there are some awesome, awesome foster parents in this world. I hope my children are with one of those families... And I hope that if any of them are reading this, they won't get offended. Because THANK YOU so much for taking care of my baby while I can't. You are doing an incredible job, and words can't express how much I appreciate everything you are doing for our children! But last night was one of those nights - nobody can love you like your Mama. My kids need to be HOME with their Mommy and Daddy. I need them to be home.
All of that nervous anxiety was taken care of with some prayer over their safety - guarding their hearts, shielding their eyes, covering their ears, to name a few - and some awesome worship music in the car. I don't even know how my radio got on that station. It's not what I was listening to the last time I was in my car. But just what I needed.
Hopefully, last night was a blip in the radar screen of peaceful, patient, quiet waiting. Hopefully, the wait will soon end. But if not, I have some pretty stinkin' awesome ways to deal with it!
Thursday, August 4, 2011
New Territory!
Ah, yes... We're finally in new territory! Sure, we've made it to "hurry up and wait" in the adoption process, and - for now - it's a good place, but I never knew just how much relief would come with this stage.
I went to a baby shower this week, and for the first time in forever, I was NOT running off to the bathroom, or sneaking out the back door to go home early so I could cry in private. The only reason I had any tears in my eyes was because this is her first baby since her mom died, and she was upset that she would have to buy her own new pajamas. (She doesn't - several of us were thinking about just that, and she has several new sets!) I can't tell you how much relief it is to be able to just **BE** there.
I can confidently browse the baby aisles in stores. Without tears. Without getting mad and stomping off. Without thinking (or saying out loud to myself like a crazy person) "Who would want this dumb crap anyway?" We have made our first (very minor) purchases for our children, but we're not going crazy just yet. For one, we don't really know for sure what age/sex/size. Or how many. Or how long the wait might be. But... We are looking and shopping around! With no tears!
And... I am almost Mama, y'all!!! I mean I "am" Mama, just missing my kids, but I'm starting to FEEL like a Mama. I'm slowly getting to hang out with my Mama friends. They're including me more as a peer. I mean, they have always been super nice and sweet and all, but up until now, I've been mostly That Girl Who Plays With Our Kids And We're Glad They Really Love Her And We Can Chat While She Takes Care Of Them... Now granted, I only claim to be a grown-up when it's convenient for me, but it's nice to be *treated* like a grown-up, *by* other grown-ups. I'm a big kid, look what I can do. I can wear big-kid pants, too. Oh, wait... That's pull-ups. ;)
These are just a few of the welcome changes we are experiencing. Sure, I am a bit more emotional, and I cry at different things now... But happy tears are so much better than sad or frustrated tears. I'm at a good place right now. I don't want to get overly excited just yet - some of our family are handling that job rather well - it's a cautious, guarding-my-heart-but-dreaming optimism. We are really doing this!
I went to a baby shower this week, and for the first time in forever, I was NOT running off to the bathroom, or sneaking out the back door to go home early so I could cry in private. The only reason I had any tears in my eyes was because this is her first baby since her mom died, and she was upset that she would have to buy her own new pajamas. (She doesn't - several of us were thinking about just that, and she has several new sets!) I can't tell you how much relief it is to be able to just **BE** there.
I can confidently browse the baby aisles in stores. Without tears. Without getting mad and stomping off. Without thinking (or saying out loud to myself like a crazy person) "Who would want this dumb crap anyway?" We have made our first (very minor) purchases for our children, but we're not going crazy just yet. For one, we don't really know for sure what age/sex/size. Or how many. Or how long the wait might be. But... We are looking and shopping around! With no tears!
And... I am almost Mama, y'all!!! I mean I "am" Mama, just missing my kids, but I'm starting to FEEL like a Mama. I'm slowly getting to hang out with my Mama friends. They're including me more as a peer. I mean, they have always been super nice and sweet and all, but up until now, I've been mostly That Girl Who Plays With Our Kids And We're Glad They Really Love Her And We Can Chat While She Takes Care Of Them... Now granted, I only claim to be a grown-up when it's convenient for me, but it's nice to be *treated* like a grown-up, *by* other grown-ups. I'm a big kid, look what I can do. I can wear big-kid pants, too. Oh, wait... That's pull-ups. ;)
These are just a few of the welcome changes we are experiencing. Sure, I am a bit more emotional, and I cry at different things now... But happy tears are so much better than sad or frustrated tears. I'm at a good place right now. I don't want to get overly excited just yet - some of our family are handling that job rather well - it's a cautious, guarding-my-heart-but-dreaming optimism. We are really doing this!
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