Monday, September 5, 2011

I should be nesting....

But I'm not! It's a rainy, yucky, CD-1 L*bor D*y. Hubby and his dad made plans for an outdoor event, that I quickly decided should be father-son bonding time. We still haven't heard anything, nor do we expect to just yet. We have a date marked on our calendar, when we will call and find out what is going on.
I vacillate between all kinds of feelings these days. Quiet, peaceful waiting. Desperate, tearful prayers for protection. Curious as to what "they" are doing on this tropical-rainy day. we have made small purchases - a shirt for each, based on faith and guessing what size we might need; some new bath toys; and I just HAD to buy some yummy dr*eft for their laundry.
I would say it's all just a guess, but it feels like so much more. In ways I can't yet explain, I feel such a connection to these little people I've never met! We haven't been "guaranteed" two children, but I feel it in my soul. We definitely haven't been told sexes, but I see us with two sons. We requested ages 3 and under, and when we browse the clearance section, both of us seem to return to the same sizes. We don't know if they will be pastey like us, or brown or chocolate or somewhere in between. We haven't made drastic, major purchases, but we are taking small steps of faith.
I wonder what it will be like for them. A strange house, another set of different, weird grown-ups to get used to, different food, toys, beds, friends. Ours will be at least the fourth house they have lived in. Will they trust that it's their last move, that we are their forever-parents? Will the oldest be bored, will the youngest cry for hours as a stranger attempts to comfort him? Will their New Mama be a total spaz, crying buckets and scaring the crap out of them?
I look forward to weeks off work, focusing only on our new children. Lots of playing, sticking close to home, trying new meals, hopefully getting some exercise! I try not to dwell on it constantly, but I do daydream of what season it could be, and what specific activities will be available based on the time of year. I'm holding those close to my heart for now, as if speaking them out loud will delay them further?
It's strange... Hubby and I have traded places, with him now freely giving information I am keeping close to my heart. For now, we are mostly dreaming.

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