So when I said I'd be back "soon," I didn't really think I would mean "about 24 hours later!"
So we were celebrating my older sister's 32nd birthday tonight with dinner (a couple of our aunts came over, plus our parents, younger sister/hubby/their 3-year-old, and of course older sister's hubby, and their 6-and-3-year-olds and 10-month-old)... Younger sis works at a bank, and is always talking to people when they come in. She would to (and argue with) a brick wall. :) A lady came in today who was telling her about a young teenage girl, who decided against having an abortion, and wants the baby to be adopted. My sister mentioned D#H#R, and my immediate answer was NO!!! Now don't get me wrong... Foster parents are needed very much. They are very important. That's just not where we are in our lives at this moment. I know that nothing is really "for sure," nothing is a definite until all the T's are crossed and I's dotted.... But after the struggle of IF, I need the security of knowing I won't be battling with an agency whose ultimate goal is to keep a child within the original family unit whenever possible. Yes, I know there are times when it works out, and everyone lives happily ever after... Howerver, I also know --personally-- of many MORE people for whom it did NOT work out quite so storybookish. (I reserve the right to make up words whenever I feel like it haha)
My sister ***says*** that this lady ***says*** that it would be straight up adoption, without all the D#H#R drama. She's supposed to be finding out more.
SO........ I'm trying not to get my hopes up, wanting to protect my heart, and NOT be the fish that bites the shiny thing on the string before realizing it's going to kill me. But after feeding, bathing, and cuddling a 10-month-old, and coming home smelling like bedtime lotion (lavendar scented!), it's hard to not at least want to paint that spare bedroom a more gender-neutral color. On the other hand, I'm also not running out and telling anyone, and I mean ANYONE, IRL about the possibility.
The question is in the back of my mind, though... Could we possibly get a baby in the next few months? Is this what tentative-scared-I-will-crap-my-pants-HOPE feels like?