Difficult at best....

Last week... What a week!! The son of a radio host I listen to several times a week drowned. My friends C and A had their baby girl who lived for 9 minutes. My aunt's m-i-l found out she has cancer, and it may or may not be life-threatening, it may or may not have metastasized into her lungs. My grandfather fell, again, and went to the ER, again, and was sent home, again... Another trip back to the ER later in the week, they kept him. He leaves the hopsital tomorrow for 21 days of rehab. Oh, and just to end on a wonderfully happy note, the pregnancy bug has struck the church! :) Apparently, all it takes is teaching the Young Women's Bible study on Sunday nights.
Several different people had suggestions/comments on how/why the 2-year-old was able to get to the pool, what they do with their kids when they need a shower (my younger sister still puts her almost-2-year-old in the highchair, because you know, they don't try to CLIMB OUT and fall and bust their heads wide open at that age. And they wouldn't try to eat everything in the bathroom. And yes, hubby, a chain length fence resting on top of the pool will work, or 2x4's across will do. It was an ACCIDENT. It could have happened to ANYONE. Don't have a pool? What about a sink or tub? Mop bucket? You can't watch them every second of the day!! For a few weeks, everyone will be extra vigilant about mommy bath time, then they'll go right back to showering when the kids are asleep/watching a movie/eating a snack... You could put your kid in a protective bubble, but how much are they gonna grow, and how prepared for life will they be?
C and A's baby girl... What an amazing, awesome couple. Ugh, just go to their blog, I can't do their story any justice. Amazing.
Aunt's m-i-l and my grandfather.... Well, at least they're in the same hospital. She's doing chemo then surgery. Having some diabetic issues, but otherwise holding her own. He is just old, tired, and lonely, and would much rather be in heaven with our grandmother and his Savior. Everyone hates to say it, but honestly he will be much better off when he dies. I don't mean that cold or indifferent or uncaring, it's just the truth.
Babies.... They're everywhere. So far 1 pregnant lady at church, but she just announced yesterday, so usually that means there will be more to follow. My older sister and her hubby are trying again, and we're all hoping and praying this one will make it. A friend of ours is not having much luck at getting pregnant, and no luck staying that way.
Where am I in all of this? It seems like each time my faith starts to increase, each time I start to see things in a positive, different light, and begin to be okay with IF, all of the above junk starts happening. God spoke to me through 2 situations about how He doesn't always give us what we want because it's not what's best for us, and He doesn't try to explain it or give us a reason, because it would be like trying to reason with a 2-year-old. I showed a video to my Wed night church kids about a little boy who begged and cried for a cheap toy at a kiosk, when he didn't know that his dad wanted to take him across the road to an entire wall of awesome kickballs and he could pick out any ball he wanted. That's how it seems with this IF stuff, I'm standing at a kiosk saying "But I WANT this, I NEED this, I thought you LOVED me!!!!" and God is saying "But you don't need it, I DO love you, and that's why I'm going to give you something so much better, just not right now..." I start to understand that God is still a loving God, He still has plans to prosper me and not to harm me, to give me a hope and a future. I grasp that there is a bigger perspective, that I see NOW and what is happening TODAY, and God sees all of eternity. Then I find out about yet another pregnancy. I keep my nephews or niece or baby cousins for a few hours, carry a sleeping child into my house, lay him on the couch, quietly clean house and check his breathing a million times. I think how nice it is that hubby comes home, I fix 3 plates instead of 2, and notice how different the house sounds when there are 3. I still know that God is on control and that He has great plans for me, but I was already questioning my sanity in signing up for a Bible study filled with moms of kids under age 5, and yesterday I find out the teacher is 3 months pregnant. It's not easy, but I still trust, I still hope. One of these days I will see the fruits of trusting and hoping and waiting.