Usually following is a bad thing... I've been followed late one night after work, by a co-worker's angry friend. Spent that night on someone's couch, because I was young and my parents were out of town. I've been followed, or stalked, rather, by a creepy guy in college, who showed up at my job in the library one day with roses and chocolate, asking me out. (Chances are, if I don't know your last name AND you freak me out AND embarass me, you're not getting a date. And mid*get wrestl*ing rings don't really make great first dates. Or twenty-first, or one-hundred-first, or ever. Just sayin') true story.... Yes, I've attracted several strange ones...
But alas, following in blogspeak is a GOOD thing. As long as you promise not to freak me out or show up at my job with chocolate and flowers. And since this blog is rather anonymous, I will be sufficiently freaked out simply by your showing up at my job. So, we haven't set up our computer at our new house yet, and I've been blogging from my blackbe*rry, which is great for letting off some steam @ work, but not so great in other ways. Specifically, I have a couple of followers, and my phone will not let me see who you are. If you do not mind, could you please let me know who you are? It's all good, I'm just curious!
(Hhhmmmm I guess if somehow you DID show up at my job, my favorite is dark chocolate. I also won't turn down a cold Dr Pep*per) I'll be the one hiding in the bathroom or back room, the one without mascara. More on that one later.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
thanks for insulting my intelligence!
So I'm at work today, the last work day of the week, the last day before a holiday, with a f*ill-i*n phar*mist and no te*ch besides myself who knows how to use the computer. (Please excuse all the *'s, it's to keep the co*workers away, especially the o*ne I wish would q*uit like she always thre*atens when some*thing doesn't go her way)
We service mainly men*tal he*alth centers, gr*oup ho*mes, etc, with a little ass*isted liv*ing fac*iliti*es thrown in the mix for good measure. The nur*se @ one of those centers has insulted my intelligence many times before. Just last week, something happened, don't remember the details... But it all boiled down to, apparently he thinks I'm an idiot, and all I'm capable of is answering the phone and passing it on. He never gives me the opportunity to help him with anyone. Generally when this happens, I politely say the person requested is on the other line or with a customer, and again politely ask if I can help them. There ws a time when answering the phone and passing it on was all I could do, but now I run the frigging place, m'kay?
So Mr Rudeness asks for Favorite Co-Worker, then Main Pha*rmist, and when I politely inform him they were both off, and sweetly offer to help him, I get an explanation I've heard a billion times today on the biggest problem of the day, followed by: "Are you CAPABLE of looking this up on the computer?!?" Hateful, rude JERK!
Answer I gave (in syrupy sweet voice): "yes sir, of course!"
Answer I **wanted** to give: "Nooooo!!! I'm too STUPID to use the computer, but they leave me in charge. I am, however, completely capable of coming to your office and punching you right in the face for asking such an assanine question. Stop being such a $÷%= all the time, and let me show you that I AM able to help you, believe it or not!"
My boss, whom I was working with today, told me that whoever has a relationship with him, should set him straight. According tpo her, if we're gonna take care of his meds and do favors for him, the least he owes us is a little respect. The problem: his favorite person to talk to is Favorite Co-worker, which is, I'm sure, where he got his opinion that I'm incapable of oh, I dunno, breathing.
So glad to have a long weekend, and short week next week. Pha*rmist is omn vacation next week, should be an "interesting" week. Just hoping I can come home each day and celebrate that I made it through another day without punching anyone in the face.
We service mainly men*tal he*alth centers, gr*oup ho*mes, etc, with a little ass*isted liv*ing fac*iliti*es thrown in the mix for good measure. The nur*se @ one of those centers has insulted my intelligence many times before. Just last week, something happened, don't remember the details... But it all boiled down to, apparently he thinks I'm an idiot, and all I'm capable of is answering the phone and passing it on. He never gives me the opportunity to help him with anyone. Generally when this happens, I politely say the person requested is on the other line or with a customer, and again politely ask if I can help them. There ws a time when answering the phone and passing it on was all I could do, but now I run the frigging place, m'kay?
So Mr Rudeness asks for Favorite Co-Worker, then Main Pha*rmist, and when I politely inform him they were both off, and sweetly offer to help him, I get an explanation I've heard a billion times today on the biggest problem of the day, followed by: "Are you CAPABLE of looking this up on the computer?!?" Hateful, rude JERK!
Answer I gave (in syrupy sweet voice): "yes sir, of course!"
Answer I **wanted** to give: "Nooooo!!! I'm too STUPID to use the computer, but they leave me in charge. I am, however, completely capable of coming to your office and punching you right in the face for asking such an assanine question. Stop being such a $÷%= all the time, and let me show you that I AM able to help you, believe it or not!"
My boss, whom I was working with today, told me that whoever has a relationship with him, should set him straight. According tpo her, if we're gonna take care of his meds and do favors for him, the least he owes us is a little respect. The problem: his favorite person to talk to is Favorite Co-worker, which is, I'm sure, where he got his opinion that I'm incapable of oh, I dunno, breathing.
So glad to have a long weekend, and short week next week. Pha*rmist is omn vacation next week, should be an "interesting" week. Just hoping I can come home each day and celebrate that I made it through another day without punching anyone in the face.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Despite my reaction, I'm happy for them.
Well, maybe happy is a stretch right now. But I definitely am glad these 2 newly pregnant people don't have to know what it's like to *not* be able to get pregnant. I wouldn't wish this on most anyone. Good for them, they can have their version of happily ever after. It just kinda sucks to be me during this time.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
If one more positive hpt gets shoved in my face this month... Or, craptastic, my little sister is pregnant
Yes, this craptastic month just keeps getting better! My little sister sent me a text of her positive hpt this morning. After being told I did NOT want to be told in a text. And I couldn't tell my other sister or mom, because she wanted to tell them Monday at a cookout she's having... And then a couple of hours later, I get a text from our older sister telling me she's sorry that younger sis is a moron (my words, not hers exactly). Now they've decided they just can't wait to tell everyone. Woohoo.
If one more person sticks one more thing they've peed on in my face this month, I may first choke them, then go check myself in somewhere.
My house is hot. My air is still not fixed, and I bullcrap you not, the guy reportedly will be there "whenever he can get there." I'm going home with my large papa jo*hn's pizza, I'm going to pour a mtn dew or 2 over some ice, and eat my pint of Ben and Jerry's even though I had dessert at lunch. I might do some wii boxing, since there are no batting cages in this stupid town. Now let's just hope I don't run into anyone I know while I run get my pizza.
If one more person sticks one more thing they've peed on in my face this month, I may first choke them, then go check myself in somewhere.
My house is hot. My air is still not fixed, and I bullcrap you not, the guy reportedly will be there "whenever he can get there." I'm going home with my large papa jo*hn's pizza, I'm going to pour a mtn dew or 2 over some ice, and eat my pint of Ben and Jerry's even though I had dessert at lunch. I might do some wii boxing, since there are no batting cages in this stupid town. Now let's just hope I don't run into anyone I know while I run get my pizza.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
This isn't the first time I've started to post this
I've written - and deleted - a million posts in the last couple of weeks. Before the drama-filled hell that was this past week, I was trying to write about how I was DONE.
I don't want to be infertile. I want to get off this crazy merry-go-round and quit watching other people live the life I want to have. I'm tired of hiding tears. I'm even tired of being the Fun Aunt. No, I'm not really tired of kids and I do still love that they love me... But I'm sooooooooooo tired of "just" being the aunt. The one who everyone 5 and under is instantly drawn to, the one who kids just invite themselves to play with, the one who is expected by most adults to take over playing with the kids, so they can go have their grown-up time. Not. The one those same kids go to when they're hurt, sick, or scared. Ouch.
Granted, this is not a life anyone would want... I've had more people than I care to add up tell me how "lucky" we are that we can just go and do as we please. I would gladly switch places with them, and let them see the flip side: the side they don't see - the "don't throw up. Don't cry. Don't cry or throw up," when you hear yet another pregnancy announcement. The curling up in tears on the couch because your house is TOO quiet. The inability to wear mascara because you never know when you might smear it with your tears.
It's hard NOT to feel like the entire universe is ganging up on me. Friday evening, I thought "whew. I'm done, I can get away from pregnancy talk, and have a break for most of the weekend. Then the universe slaps me in the face and our waitress keeps coming over and shoving her big belly over our table, and patting me on the back. I could only give hubby an incredulous, oh-my-gosh-you-have-got-to-be-kidding-me look. And he understood. So then I get sick during the meal, probably because that was just the last straw.
Is it just me, or is every other person knocked up right now? I just want to go hide under a rock for the next 9 or 10 months!!! I think if I see one more belly, I'm gonna lose it. Another reason I've deleted all those posts - more often than not, in the past couple of weeks, I've felt like I should quit my job and check myself in as a patient. I sound like a crazed lunatic. Hubby half jokingly agreed I need therapy. Only I wasn't really joking that much. I swore I'd never be "that crazy nut-job infertile lady," but I'm seeing how easily that happens. I've never had even a taste of alcohol, but there are days I just want to drink. I've yet to act on that, but wow would it be easy. Chocolate and a dr pepper just aren't doing it anymore.
I'm a hot mess. Or at least that's the real me... On the outside, I'm still the same smiling, laughing, giving, fun aunt I've always been... On the inside, I feel as if I'm barely managing some semblance of sanity. Just waiting for the other shoe to drop, for the last strand of the cord to break. So how do I get back to sanity?
I don't want to be infertile. I want to get off this crazy merry-go-round and quit watching other people live the life I want to have. I'm tired of hiding tears. I'm even tired of being the Fun Aunt. No, I'm not really tired of kids and I do still love that they love me... But I'm sooooooooooo tired of "just" being the aunt. The one who everyone 5 and under is instantly drawn to, the one who kids just invite themselves to play with, the one who is expected by most adults to take over playing with the kids, so they can go have their grown-up time. Not. The one those same kids go to when they're hurt, sick, or scared. Ouch.
Granted, this is not a life anyone would want... I've had more people than I care to add up tell me how "lucky" we are that we can just go and do as we please. I would gladly switch places with them, and let them see the flip side: the side they don't see - the "don't throw up. Don't cry. Don't cry or throw up," when you hear yet another pregnancy announcement. The curling up in tears on the couch because your house is TOO quiet. The inability to wear mascara because you never know when you might smear it with your tears.
It's hard NOT to feel like the entire universe is ganging up on me. Friday evening, I thought "whew. I'm done, I can get away from pregnancy talk, and have a break for most of the weekend. Then the universe slaps me in the face and our waitress keeps coming over and shoving her big belly over our table, and patting me on the back. I could only give hubby an incredulous, oh-my-gosh-you-have-got-to-be-kidding-me look. And he understood. So then I get sick during the meal, probably because that was just the last straw.
Is it just me, or is every other person knocked up right now? I just want to go hide under a rock for the next 9 or 10 months!!! I think if I see one more belly, I'm gonna lose it. Another reason I've deleted all those posts - more often than not, in the past couple of weeks, I've felt like I should quit my job and check myself in as a patient. I sound like a crazed lunatic. Hubby half jokingly agreed I need therapy. Only I wasn't really joking that much. I swore I'd never be "that crazy nut-job infertile lady," but I'm seeing how easily that happens. I've never had even a taste of alcohol, but there are days I just want to drink. I've yet to act on that, but wow would it be easy. Chocolate and a dr pepper just aren't doing it anymore.
I'm a hot mess. Or at least that's the real me... On the outside, I'm still the same smiling, laughing, giving, fun aunt I've always been... On the inside, I feel as if I'm barely managing some semblance of sanity. Just waiting for the other shoe to drop, for the last strand of the cord to break. So how do I get back to sanity?
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Why do I do this to myself?
So I'm sitting here in the ob/gyn office, surrounded by pregnant women (okay, so I only see one obviously, but still) Why am I here? The New Girl in the Office is having some (suspected) complications, and I offered to come with her to the dr so she wouldn't have to go by herself... Because you should NEVER have to go by yourself for something like that. Our boss asked me if I would be okay, and ya know, I really am. Only a tiny part of me is wanting to bang my head against the wall. Why do I do this to myself? Because.I.Care. I'm pretty sure I got a dirty look from Favorite Coworker, but I'm also pretty sure I don't care. I've decided that I will be polite, I will communicate work-related things, and that's where I draw the line. I'm gonna stop there, though, because I also decided this morning that I'm not letting her get to me like that again today.
Hopefully, everything is okay with NewGirl. Maybe it's nothing. Why am I here? Because sometimes, you just have to put aside all of your "this is too painful for me," and give support to someone who needs it. And right now, there is a coworker in the exam room who needed a friend just in case something is wrong.
Hopefully, everything is okay with NewGirl. Maybe it's nothing. Why am I here? Because sometimes, you just have to put aside all of your "this is too painful for me," and give support to someone who needs it. And right now, there is a coworker in the exam room who needed a friend just in case something is wrong.
Why do I do this to myself?
So I'm sitting here in the ob/gyn office, surrounded by pregnant women (okay, so I only see one obviously, but still) Why am I here? The New Girl in the Office is having some (suspected) complications, and I offered to come with her to the dr so she wouldn't have to go by herself... Because you should NEVER have to go by yourself for something like that. Our boss asked me if I would be okay, and ya know, I really am. Only a tiny part of me is wanting to bang my head against the wall. Why do I do this to myself? Because.I.Care. I'm pretty sure I got a dirty look from Favorite Coworker, but I'm also pretty sure I don't care. I've decided that I will be polite, I will communicate work-related things, and that's where I draw the line. I'm gonna stop there, though, because I also decided this morning that I'm not letting her get to me like that again today.
Hopefully, everything is okay with NewGirl. Maybe it's nothing. Why am I here? Because sometimes, you just have to put aside all of your "this is too painful for me," and give support to someone who needs it. And right now, there is a coworker in the exam room who needed a friend just in case something is wrong.
Hopefully, everything is okay with NewGirl. Maybe it's nothing. Why am I here? Because sometimes, you just have to put aside all of your "this is too painful for me," and give support to someone who needs it. And right now, there is a coworker in the exam room who needed a friend just in case something is wrong.
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