It feels wrong...

So, as we continue to wait, I continue to think and dream and pray. As we get (hopefully) closer to an adoption placement becoming our reality, I get more specific... Except...
Except it feels soooooo incredibly wrong to pray for TPR. It's a necessary step to make our kids become our kids... But I'm having trouble getting excited over it. Think about what a drastic change, and for so many people. No parent wants to be told their child is being permanently taken away. No child truly wants to leave Mama and Daddy, I don't care what that sulky teenager says. And yet, we are waiting for that very thing. I do believe if someone were to come to me and tell me they were taking my children, the first phrase out of my mouth would be something like "over my dead body!" And yet, I am waiting for that to happen to someone else. It feels wrong to be excited.
Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins... I do hope that we can maintain some kind of contact with some family member, but it's a game-changer for all of the above. They are losing someone they love. Little friends at school or church or wherever, who will grow up and one day wonder what happened to that little boy or girl...
And for the children... Yes, they will be coming to a "better" home, with more "suitable" parents, and smothered with hugs and kisses and lots and lots of love... But they will also be saying good-bye to family, friends, and an entire life - the only one they've ever known.
Everyone else is giving me nothing but excitement and happiness, but there is a part of me that realizes the brevity of the situation soon facing our children. Change is good, but change is hard. They don't call them growing PAINS for no reason. Any other adoptive moms feel the same?

With a Consultant

Hubby happened to run into our SW one day last week, while he was out for lunch. He said it kind of surprised him to see her, so he didn't ask her all the questions I probably would have, but she did mention that our study is with a consultant. So now, the SW is just waiting to hear back from the consultant.
Hubby was correct, I have several other questions! Looks like I will be stalking a local grocer where our SW holds a second job. ;) It doesn't hurt that their meat is cheaper than my usual big box store that carries everything. I'm wanting to know if I should hold on to my few remaining vacation days this year. I have a very specific question for her that we aren't really sharing with much of anyone just yet.
Every month that passes means our babies get a little older... They've been in the system a little longer... While I hope and pray they are in a loving FH, another month may mean more abuse, neglect, pain, bad memories. Another month away from Mama and Daddy. Another month closer to Christmas...
But really, overall I'm in a good place right now. The last couple weeks have been okay. Staying busy usually means I don't have time to dwell on the waiting, and there has definitely not been a shortage of things to do! I think I have cooked supper at home exactly once in 3 weeks. One more week of baseball for our oldest nephew, and we should have a little while before basketball starts up. Thankfully, those games are all on Saturday, so we should have a few week nights open again.
And now, I'm rambling... This bed sure is warm, but I really should be in the shower. Our pastor got married on Thursday, rather unexpectedly, so I'm sure it will be an exciting day at church! A nephew has a birthday party after. I'm not really sure, but I may be expected to start teaching again tonight, and I have no lesson... The busy-ness continues!

No News... But here are some books i read growing up!

Yeah, there's nothin' to report. All is quiet. But since I haven't posted since the end of September...
I was commenting on an author's blog, about my favorite character, and it brought back a lot of other characters I "grew up with" when I was little. So, let me share.
**ram*ona qu*imby... Yes, pretty sure it was the whole middle child thing. I wanted her to be real, so we could chat, and so I could be her friend.
**the girls from the Gi*rl Talk series. My mom understood my obsession with books, and even though we likely couldn't afford it, she signed me up for the book club. I received 3 books (a month? A few times a year? I don't remember)... She would have to hide them from me so I wouldn't read all 3 books the day they came in the mail.
**Ironically, the Box*car Children. I wanted to bring them home with me and let them be my brothers and sisters.
***Goo*sebu*mps. Even though they freaked me out, even though a few terrified me... ME, the scaredy-cat child who jumped at her own shadow...
If I had "my own" money, you can be sure I was buying books. In college, I would easily spend a paycheck on books.
Of course, now I have other things to spend money on, such as a house, car, etc. I don't have as much time to read. One day, though, I hope to instill that same love of books in my children.